Relationship stuff

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Allow me to pose a hypothetical situation to you...

Say there was a 17 year old guy who works full time, has his own apartment, is almost done with college, etc... and he meets a 22 year old girl, unmarried with a 3 year old daughter, on...I don't know, say, the bus. Let's say the 22 year old girl is really pretty, and the 3 year old daughter is absolutely adorable, and the 17 year old finds himself becoming attracted to the mother. Say he asks the mother if he can take her and her daughter to lunch, as a date, sometime, and she accepts. And say they keep on seeing each other every day on the bus (Even though that bus gets the 17 year old to work really early and he'd like to sleep in an extra 40 minutes), and things are going great, and the 22 year old seems to really like the 17 year old.

Is that too awfully weird?
 

bace

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....if you want an honest opinion pm me. People around here don't seem to appreciate honesty.
 

Corry

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bace said:
....if you want an honest opinion pm me. People around here don't seem to appreciate honesty.

That's where you're wrong. It's not the honesty, but the delivery that isn't always appreciated. Feel free to be honest, just don't be mean about it.


(I'm not saying that against you in anyway, that's just my advice to ANYONE who feels that we get angry over honesty...because it's just not true, in my opinion)
 

aprilraven

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bace said:
....if you want an honest opinion pm me. People around here don't seem to appreciate honesty.

honesty and knowing when to state things in a correct way is two different things...



verb... baby... your so tender hearted, and have such a good soul..and you of all people know your own heart...

follow your heart... your raising... your judgment...

your so far ahead of people twice your age...

trust in yourself.....if it feels ok to you...dont worry about what anyone else says... your faith will lead you....
 

bace

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While I live by the saying that one must jump in headfirst, I also suggest checking to see if the pool has enough water in it too.

Remember when you're dealing with relationships involving children you must consider the fact that whatever happens between you and the 22yr old will have a lasting affect on the child.

Having been raised in a broken home myself and seeing both my parents go through many relationships, I'll tell you that it's not the greatest way to grow up. Are you ready to accept that responsibility?

I'm sure you'll do what you feel is right, just remember to take that little girl into consideration with whatever decisions you make.
 

Corry

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bace said:
While I live by the saying that one must jump in headfirst, I also suggest checking to see if the pool has enough water in it too.

Remember when you're dealing with relationships involving children you must consider the fact that whatever happens between you and the 22yr old will have a lasting affect on the child.

Having been raised in a broken home myself and seeing both my parents go through many relationships, I'll tell you that it's not the greatest way to grow up. Are you ready to accept that responsibility?

I'm sure you'll do what you feel is right, just remember to take that little girl into consideration with whatever decisions you make.


I think that's fantastic advice. And that's something that many don't consider. When you get in a relationship with a single parent, you're getting in a relationship with the child, too.

I think some people don't really want the child part of it, but think they can make it work anyway. That doesn't usually turn out well.

On the other hand, I've seen people get together with single parents, and it works out fantasticly...the couple that set me up with my boyfriend are a good example of that. She has a little boy...and he's totally in love with both of them. They're a wonderful family.
 

ShutteredEye

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Absolutely no disrespect meant to the 17 y/o at all, b/c it sounds like he has his ducks in a row, etc. However, I must wonder at what the 22 y/o would be thinking if she were to think that this would be a good situation for her to be getting into--esp w/ a 3 y/o.

Does the 17 y/o think he is ready for the responsibilities of being a parent figure? B/c there is more to it than just thinking they are adorable...

What does the 17 y/o's family think of the situation? People close to the 17 y/o with his best interest in mind might be the best people to ask these questions....even if the 17 y/o might not like the answer....

Tell the 17 y/o good luck, and that I hope it works out the best way possible!
 

treehuggerhikerboy

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The last 3 posts had really good points. It's not about you anymore, or you and her, it's about you, her, child, and ex...and ex's current.

Dr. Phil advice...dude, you're 17. Play the field and see what's out there. Kids are great, but they're also very restrictive, especially when they (and you) are so young. Life is short, there is PLENTY 'o time to meet women with kids later on in life. Not to mention the fact that if you break up, you'll have to take another bus for awhile. ;)


orrrrrrrrrrr....beat the odds and go for it. :greenpbl:
 

hot shot

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i have twisted oppions so im staying out altho would like to know the out come
 

LaFoto

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In the end, the decision is with you, erm.... that hypothetical 17-year-old.
In general, I must say that if there were no men out there who would want to date a single mother, I'd be all alone in my life now, for my husband had to decide for me AND my first-born son - which he did. :lovey:

Another thing is: we were 26 and 30 at the time, he being the older.
That does make quite a bit of a difference.
When I had my son at 20 years of age, I felt he had arrived quite early in my life, not to say too early.

17 is still three years younger, and for most 17-year-old males, make that a true 5 years younger (which would not apply to you, erm... that hypothetical 17-year-old you are talking about, I would think from your way of expressing yourself here and your work and all that). But it still is very young for that kind of responsibility. It needs to be thought through with utmost care.

But when all's been said and done, the decision is still yours, erm, the decision of that hypothetical 17-year-old who goes to work by bus very early every morning...
 
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Thanks for all your opinions and advice, guys. I appreciate that (I mean "he" appreciates that).

The thing is, Liz isn't the type to be just on the lookout for a daddy. She's very self-sufficient and is pretty adament that she doesn't NEED anyone to help her raise the child.

Bace, that's a really good point about having it affect the child. I'd thought about it, but not quite like that.

Also, I don't think we're looking at anything serious right now. Not too serious, at least. For now it's just a date, and we're friends...so we'll just see where it goes. I think I'm just going to keep going as I have been, not getting TOO emotionally involved, so that if it doesn't work neither of us will be terribly heartbroken. It's a weird situation for me, because she's not the type of girl I am usually attracted to. I mean, physically she is...she's really good looking. But she talks different, acts different, etc. Usually I've gone for the good little girls, y'know? Liz is tattooed, went "crazy" her senior year of high school (hence her daughter, Eva), etc. She is definitely not the good two-shoes kinda girl that I am generally used to. In fact, usually I wouldn't be even a little bit attracted to someone like her. I don't know what it is about her... if nothing else, I'd really like to be her friend. And for now, I'd just like to give her and Eva a nice afternoon out.

BTW when I asked her out, I said "I'd love to take you and Eva out to lunch...", and she got an amazed look on her face...I don't think she's used to guys caring about her and her daughter instead of just trying to get laid. But honestly, I'd love to get to know Liz and Eva both. Eva is such a cute little girl, you guys should see her. =) She's 3 years old, and really shy. She likes me now though and so she talks to me quite a bit. Usually she whispers though, it's so cute.

Anyway, thanks...I needed to get all that off my chest!
 

treehuggerhikerboy

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cheers dude, sounds like it'll be a ride. just be careful...whether you want it or not, the time you spend with her is directly proportional to how close you get to her...it's tough to keep it at a certain level.

p.s. might want to consult your state consensual sex laws as well. 5 years difference with someone under 18 can be dicey sometimes.
 

mentos_007

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a few weeks ago people here gave me some good advice. the only thing I can suggest you is to think twice before you do a move. I know... on feelings you often cannot think logically. But life is full of walls which you will have to destroy on your way to move further. that is why logicall thinking is very important.
you haver to rethink everything - how would you like to see your life in... lets' say 10 years? And hers life? and little girls'?
 

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