Devil's Dictionary

This thread seems to lack the cynicism of the original Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.
So breathing new life into the corpse...

Amateur Photographer
Someone who seeks to excuse their lack of knowledge about the subject by claiming they only do it for fun.

Professional Photographer
An amateur photographer who believes that they now know all about photography because they get money for doing it.

Digital Photography
A method of taking pictures that requires no more brain cells than can be counted on the fingers of one hand. Hence the use of the word 'digital'.

Photoshop
The modern equivalent of the Philosopher’s Stone believed by many to be a way of turning garbage into gold.

Photography
A means of producing life-like images for people with no artistic talent but with lots of artistic pretensions.

Camera
A box with a hole in it that some believe to be magical.

Professional Camera
An expensive box with a hole in it that some believe to be the Holy Grail.

Alternative Processes
The manual equivalent of Photoshop.

Ego
A quality akin to self-importance possessed by both amateur and professional photographers that increases in size exponentially with the amount of equipment owned, whilst being in inverse proportion to their talent.

Composition
The Rule of Thirds.

:thumbup::thumbup:
 
LCD- Little square with pretty colors, best appreciated while under the influence of LSD.

Orientation-Photogs have none.

AutoFocus-Makes photogs looked professional, while killing spirit bit by bit. Cant forget the pinky has to be erect to be a pro.

AF Points-Noobs feel it is cool to point these in the air, far from the subject.

Flash-Gives the subject a wonderful pail zombie look, as if they had risen from the grave although we all know we wish they hadnt.

Manual-Joint rap for pot heads.

Compisition-Goes hand in hand with orientation. The less of this you have, the better you look.

Wheel-The thing you roll with your finger, inevitably making you look like a bad ass around the neighbors children.

All I could think of, I love this thread. Epic GENIOUSS!
 
Manual mode - THE number one mode for badasses

Auto mode - The mode for people who upgraded from a P&S because they wanted to look like badasses
 
Camera Strap -- Device that camera manufacturers use to get noob's to advertise their brand
 
composition left to be abused and disregarded. see myspace photo
 
peadophile lense see telephoto lense
 
TS-E Lens;
1.) Lens used by EOS 1 series owners to attract inquiries about the "Knobs" on their lenses.
2.) Rich man's Lens Baby (see also, 50mm f/1 Noctilux)
 
tpf newbie - reads a similar thread of a similar thought and begins a similar thread. Usually starts out new thread titled with What, Where, When or How. Keywords camera, lens, settings or weddings follow closely behind.
 

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