Kewl!!! Just what I needed!!!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by mygrain, Jul 7, 2005.

  1. mygrain

    mygrain Friend to nose goblins everywhere

    Aug 11, 2004
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    I was doing some searching online for a constant itching in my ear. I was looking at possible alternative methods to cleansing my ear canal without going to a EMT doctor. Anyway!!! I was looking at the ear candles that i've heard so many people rave about. If you are not familiar with the concept think of a cone of wax cover paper witha hole at the bottom. The proceure is to cut a hole in a paper plate and slip the tip of the cone through it and then slip it into your ear hole opening...THEN the fun part.... light the top of the cone and the heat creates a warm vaccum that supposedly sucks out wax, bugs, chunks of beef...whatever you might have let fall in there.

    I tired it years ago and found it not to do anything but blow hot air into my ear...which was okay i guess, but not the desired effect i was looking for. Well as I was looking at different sites that caledl bullcrap on the candles one link to site for "butt candles"

    Im gonna post the FAQ's from the site because the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. here it goes

    "ButtCandle, Inc: F.A.Q.

    Answers to your frequently asked questions.

    Q: Is the ButtCandle . really a candle?
    A: Yes, but not necessarily what you might picture as your dining room table variety of candle. In length and diameter, it's similiar to common candles. However, a hollow channel is cut from bottom to top which causes air to be drawn from the base to the top. In practice, this creates a vacuum at the base which, when inserted in the rectum, gently dislodges intestinal and rectal blockage.
    Q: Are ButtCandles . safe for pregnant and lactating women?
    A: There have yet to be any formal studies done on ButtCandle . use by pregnant and lactacting women. And although we know of no adverse affects on such women, we suggest you talk this over with your doctor!
    Q: Will my health insurance cover the cost?
    A: Most current plan providers are skeptical about less mainstream, alternative health practices. Sadly, the ButtCandle . falls under this category. Fortunately ButtCandles . are an economical choice and no one need forgo their use simply due to lack of coverage.
    Q: Should I be concerned about bodily gas?
    A: The unique design and shape of the ButtCandle . allows for any natural gas to either dissipate or burn w/o fear of personal discomfort or injury.
    Q: My spouse has a hairy backside, will this interfere with the process?
    A: It depends on just how hairy this backside is. An average amount of hair in this area presents no real problem. If you're still concerned, however, you can use a plant mister to moisten the area beforehand. If we're talking about a really hairy bottom there is some risk of folicular ignition and special caution must be exercised. Certainly use the mister first.
    Q: Is the procedure uncomfortable?
    A: Surprisingly, the answer is No. In fact, many find it more enjoyable and comforting than the more well-known methods of cleansing this area. The only potential discomfort would be in that, to use, you must lay on your back with knees pulled chestward.
    Q: What about hemmeroids?
    A: This is where ButtCandles . out-performs other rectal candling products. In the past, a real concern was that the vacuum created by the burning candle would draw in, or otherwise entagle, hemerroids. Our patented unique organic soluble mesh filter prevents hemerroids from becoming lodged in the cylindrical tube.
    Q: Is the ButtCandle . approved by the FDA?
    A: No.
    Q: I'm concerned about wax dripping down. What are your recommendations?
    A: Use without worry. Our engineers have developed a proprietary overflow basin which will prevent any potential discomfort in the rectal insertion area."

    Im sorry for such a long post about butt jokes but man I'm still laughing at it and wanted to share the joy. :lol:

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