I was going to find my thread and add an update but looking for the thread title made, well, depressed. Things have changed since then. A lot of things to be honest. I made it up to see an ex and despite the fact that she is with somebody it was nice to get to see her again. She seems to have grown as a person and to be somebody I want to be good friends with. Unlike before. I havent talked to Michelle much the last week or so. She no longer lives where she had been staying. I no longer have the chance to stop by and see everybody then go home. I have had Brayden for most of the last week and it looks like ill have him for awhile longer. That doesnt bother me. We are having a ton of fun and he seems to love it here. I was going good until tonight. I know that I am open to the possibility of a relationship. Even this soon. Not that I am looking but I am one of those that isnt going to say no when something may be the best thing to come my way. That is just stupid. Ill go with whatever comes my way and see how it turns out. Anyway, I wasnt prepared to take a glance at her updated myspace profile. It looks like she is looking for somebody. She made the comment that she wants to find somebody that likes kids and doesnt just tolerate them. That she will see what happens after that. That hit me hard because I want to stay in their lives and if that is what she is doing then its going to turn out bad for me. I havent had the chance to talk to her but I think I will. I want to find out what direction this is going. I dont know why it hurts so deeply. I know that I dont want to get back together but I guess in a way I wanted her to be waiting. I guess it would have shown that she still loved me. Then again I wouldnt be able to say that I would never have a relationship with her if it actually came to that. Heck, we were together a year and a half. I was in love with her. I cant just walk away that easy. But if I know what things went wrong, what I dont want to go back to, and that I dont want to get back together with her....why is it so hard to face the possibility that she is seeing somebody? It doesnt sound logical. And how do I get over it?