relationship advice needed

[Skyeg]

this has nothign to do with photography

you people are smart... and i usualy agree with your ideas and opinions, i could use some advice.


it recently came to my attention that my girlfriend of a little over a year has several acounts on sites like americansingles.com and frequently emails photographs of herself to people. should i be worried? she is away for a week and ill talk to her on the phone before she gets back. should i say somethign on the phone? or wait til she gets back?

thanks for you help

 

[cypilk]

o Oo .. thats a worrier. .. man..thats tough too i think.

well theres 2 things you can do ..

1. trust her
2. question her and find out what you want to know..

it really depends on the two individuals and how your relationship works. so i can't really say what would be best for you to do. there are many things that can be a factor in this such as:

-her maturity
-the way she acts. such as "is she flirty?"
-if it would be awkward asking her about her business out of the blue.

but in any case, it is true.. i understand you when you are worried. and it is tempting to be nosy and go through her stuff or ask sneaky questions.. but it depends mostly on the relationship and how you two deal with things or make your realtionship work. so.. i probably didn't even help. hah.. good luck with it.. hopefully its just nothing.. and its just something she does to just meet people and nothing more. =)

 

[Skyeg]

thanks, i was hoping for more do this or do that, but anything helps so thanks.

 

[manda]

I guess I would want to confront her about it.
However, she may get upset at you for "snooping".
I assume you came across them on her computer?
She will most likely accuse you of not trusting her.

However, I would wait till she gets home and then ask her about it. Ask her why she feels the need to have them...

Thats just me though. I couldnt be in a rship with someone who needs to put their name up on a singles site. Not only is she lying to you, but shes lying to the people she's chatting with.

I hope you work it out matey

 

[Skyeg]

thanks manda, no actualy my friend called me a little while ago and told me see found her on there... although i could go threw all people stuff on a comptuer very easily i dont, because i do trust her...thats why this hurts. again thank you

 

[oriecat]

Man, Skyeg, that is tough. Are you sure she is still active on the sites and they are not just old leftovers from before you were together?

Maybe you could casually bring it up, like so and so is using americansingles.com to look for dates and she thought she saw a profile of you there, did you used to use that? But yeah I agree with Manda, you should try to find out about it, because otherwise you won't be able to trust her anymore and you won't be able to feel secure in your relationship worrying that she might be looking for someone else...

Have you seen her profile on there yourself, or are you just trusting what your friend said?

 

[Skyeg]

after he told me i checked it out myself.

it says the last time she updated it was 6/11/04

there isnt much info on it...so im hopeing/thinking that when she "updated" she actualy deleted stuff because she was no longer interested in using it....

im gonna talk to her about it tomorow, and im kinda startign to convince my self its not a big thing...but i cant sleep im a very sensitive and eaily worried person and i just dont know what to do untill i talk to her.

 

[TwistMyArm]

DUDE, you should wait until she comes home before you confront her about it!
I realize it's tough, but things like that shouldn't be handled over the telephone. It's just too easy to get upset and cut the conversation short (ie. hanging up). It's not hard to leave an argument upset when it's via telephone. You just have more opportunity to set things straight when it's one-on-one.
My suggestion is to take time to think about the whole relationship situation and to consider how you want to approach her about the singles sites. Some women just want attention. A year is a pretty long time (God knows it’s longer then any of my relationships) so it could be that the two of you are starting to take things for granted. She may not be looking for any physical attention at all, but to know that there are guys out there that think she’s attractive.
Anyway like I said, I wouldn't ask her about it until she's back from her trip.

 

[karissa]

Oh man... defiantly wait until she gets home. I have always felt like things can go differently depending on how you word and say things. Tone of voice and actual words. When you do bring it up try not to show your intense worry but more of concern. Choose what you say carefully as you don't want to come across like a cross examination court room or something. Don't lie to her and it will make it hard for her to lie to you. Tell her that your friend told you this and you wanted to know directly from her the truth. I always make it a point to try and squelch a rumor with the truth from the person it is about.

I feel like you have a valid concern. I would be a little disturbed if I found out that my b/f was doing that also.

 

[photong]

I would confront as well.

I don't know why someone would do it. I'm going to guess attention. She may not have any intentions of going to see any of these people or make anything from them. They may just be friends. This might be her way of making online friends instead of going to a forum, or chat room on Yahoo!.

Do you know what she says in the paragraphs? Does she just discribe herself in the paragraphs? Or talk about very personal things (if she does do this I would be worried)? Does she talk on the phone with them (that you know of)? etc etc.

I personally would be suspicious because a lot of people do stupid things like that. And because I am a worrier, I would. But I wouldn't go nuts on her. Just ask. If she takes it the wrong way, I'm positive theres a girl out there like her that doesnt do this sort of thing. If she doesn't have something to hide, I'm sure she'll be fine with asking.

Again, this is just me. I am a worrier because i've bene burned before and have burned others etc etc.

 

[Skyeg]

there is actualy no information on her account other then the city she lives in and that she is a female seeking male

 

[Not Neve]

I'd definitely confront her but as others have said, wait til she gets home if you can. I'm not familiar with that site but I wonder if she has control over taking down her photo. If she does, then if she was no longer using the site as a way to meet people she should've taken down the photo, too. (not just the description). The purpose of those sites is to meet people to date. If she's in a committed relationship with you then she should NOT be using that site. If she's doing it for attention (not dates) then she could always post her pics elsewhere. Have her come her and Matt and Vonn will drool all over her!

That's a tough one, Skyeg!
Goodluck!

 

[Skyeg]

i couldn't stop myself..i just talked to her on the phone and i asked her... she said she had joined it a while ago(before we met) and had just kind of forgotten about it. they resently had emailed her so she went on it and was unable to find a way to cancel the account so she just removed all the information and picture, and that was the first time she been on it in almost 2 years. i beleve her. i felt bad because she cryed and thought i was angry with her. well everythign is good and ill be able to sleep tonight. thank you all for the advice....even though i didnt take most of it.

 

[cypilk]

glad that it worked out.. .i hope shes okay.. she might have been shaken by that =)

 

[TwistMyArm]

I'm glad everything is alright. It’s too bad that she was crying, but I can understand that she was probably scared. Anyway I'm sure flowers and dinner would make her feel much better once she gets home.