I wrote this when I was around 19 and I found it again today , jotted down messily on a scrap of paper , when I was looking for something else ( as ya do ). Might see if I can extend on it and play around with it a little more. I dunno if it has 'juice' yet but theres only one way to find out.... Its an orphan lol ... it doesnt even have a name. Untitled The world outside seems so bright after ones soul has been immersed in a thick sea of darkness for so , so long. She had lived through the centuries that only took place over a year. Its a cruel god , she mused , who lets light and happiness flash so briefly , making months fly by so fast. Yet lets you wallow through pain , so slow. Akin to a bad dream where youre running from something evil but find you are thigh high in thick mud and can only move in slow motion. She takes a long drag of her cigarette and lets the smoke settle in her lungs before blowing it out sharply. Her long legs rest extended out , falling slightly open. Supported by the window ledge , her bare feet catch the sunlight. Yet three quarters of her body is swallowed by the darkness of her room. Her eyes are blinded by tears , filled with memories of when she first met the only man who loved her enough to fill her dead soul with a desire to live again. The tears weave their slow zigzag path down her cheeks. One slips over her top lip and comes to rest in the corner of her mouth. She moves her tongue to it and tastes her salty sorrow. She met him in sunlight , the same kind of golden light that now graced and warmed her feet , during the summer of 96. She wondered where he was now. Did he know? Had he seen the circus of cameras and microphones that had crowded her face until she finally broke and screamed and roared at them ? She smashed one lens with her fist, in the pool of lights and chaos , and watched in stunned silence as four little red rivers of blood ran down her arm. The press shut up then , she laughed in quiet reflection. Or at least they seemed , to her , to stop and shut up during those minutes. It was as if they respected her nightmare , they seemed almost human..... The four trickles of blood merged. And it continued its crimson flow and she willed it all to run out of her body onto the courthouse steps , to drown everyone around her so she could stand there , her insides dry , and not feel anything again. When the inevitable day came where she was finally given the go ahead to die by the big boss in the sky , she would use her last breath to laugh.... Because she understood something Life , her life , was a joke between God and the Devil ... and shed be damned if either of them had the last laugh. She feels a movement in her swollen belly and her hand reaches down to rest on the sudden commotion. Can you hear my thoughts , bubby? she whispered. Lifting her dress up to her breasts , she gazed down on the bump of golden flesh. How can I let you be born amidst such irony? she murmered softly. Another kick gave her some kind of response. Well I guess you can tell me the answer when you're old enough to put irony into a sentence , my sweetness ....." She rubbed her stomach and continued to stare out the window , into the park below. Where kids were playing Dodge Ball while mothers chatted and watched their offspring. Where a couple lay on the grass, languidly kissing . Leaves , golden red and brown , flittered across the road. The sunlight seemed so bright, bringing out the clarity of every detail of the outside world. A headache forms in her throbbing brain and she closes her eyes and retreats back into the darkness , to what she had slowly come to understand Copyright © 2004 Tina Thompson.