Weekend Funnies

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Mitica100, Mar 24, 2006.

  1. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

    So he tied her up and went golfing.

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    A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

    "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

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    Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

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    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

    "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

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    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

    The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

    The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.
     
  2. aprilraven

    aprilraven TPF Noob!

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    ok, mitica....i love these to pieces....may have to use one as a signature...

    the pack you bags one...

    but the nun one almost killed me.... thanks!!
     
  3. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    By all means AR, by all means.
     
  4. LaFoto

    LaFoto Just Corinna in real life Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Heehee, I have transferred the one on what marriage is into WORD and chose some very large print and printed that one on an A4 paper. That will go on the pinboard in our kitchen, heeheehee :biglaugh:
     
  5. Oldfireguy

    Oldfireguy TPF Noob!

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    Good ones!
     
  6. Antarctican

    Antarctican TPF Noob!

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    :lmao: Tooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!! :lmao:
     

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