1000 Random posts in a week

Discussion in 'The Gaming Room' started by thinkricky, Feb 3, 2012.

  1. thinkricky
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    thinkricky New Member

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    Can we do it? I'm sure we can!

    Post whatever you want. Hope we hit 1000 by next Friday. But cannot post right after your own post.
  2. o hey tyler
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    o hey tyler Well-Known Member

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    I wasn't born in your seven days
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    Doobies.
  3. davesnothere11
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    davesnothere11 New Member

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    I like cheese.
  4. thinkricky
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    thinkricky New Member

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    Cheese makes me poop
  5. naptime
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    naptime New Member

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    Charmin is soft
  6. IByte
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    IByte Well-Known Member

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    Snuggies!!
  7. analog.universe
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    analog.universe New Member

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    :wav:
  8. thinkricky
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    thinkricky New Member

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    I'm drunk.
  9. BigknockHawk
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    BigknockHawk Member

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    May I move my own dogface to the banana patch?
  10. davesnothere11
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    davesnothere11 New Member

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    By all means feel free to froddle your chicken.
  11. naptime
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    naptime New Member

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    time to make the donuts
  12. cgipson1
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    cgipson1 New Member

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    At this rate.. it aint gonna make 1000! :)
  13. mishele
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    mishele Moderator Staff Member

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  14. EIngerson
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    EIngerson Well-Known Member

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    No, it's purple.
  15. manaheim
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    manaheim Jedi Bunnywabbit Staff Member

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    I like monkeys.

    The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
    odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
    look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

    I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
    name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
    bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
    Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

    I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
    environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
    high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
    spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

    Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
    they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
    Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
    cheap monkeys.

    I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
    room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
    like I had 200 throw rugs.

    I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
    Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

    I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
    a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
    bad.

    I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
    to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

    I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
    there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
    them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
    it didn't all go bad.

    I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
    extinguish the fire.

    Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
    my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
    wasn't improving.

    I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
    bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

    I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
    allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
    one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
    frozen ones.

    I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
    friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
    them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
    the genitals.

    I like monkeys
    • Like Like x 5
  16. davesnothere11
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    davesnothere11 New Member

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    Ice melts.

    Fire burns.

    Wind blows.
  17. marmots
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    marmots New Member

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    During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

    ... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

    "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

    The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
    Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

    Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

    Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

    The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

    Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.
    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

    But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

    "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
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  18. EIngerson
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    EIngerson Well-Known Member

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    Hot pockets of course.
  19. EchoingWhisper
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    EchoingWhisper New Member

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    Hmmm...
  20. davesnothere11
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    davesnothere11 New Member

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    There is a perfectly good explanation for that.

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