Gonna snap...

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by bradster76, Oct 19, 2008.

  1. bradster76

    bradster76 TPF Noob!

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    ...and surprised I haven't yet. My mother (who at 62 does not seem to appreciate a 32 yr old son helping her move 3000k miles) who has managed to alienate everyone else in her life, litterly, only has me. And her mental issues (bi-polar and borderline personality) have her COMPLETELY off base of reality and how society and the world works. She has one of those "my way or the highway" mentalitys, has no grasp on rational thinking. I make about $679 a month until I get full time, and give it all to her to pay for food, the car, and bills. I get $30 for gas. :meh: She has this idea that how she distrubutes that money once I give it to her, and she fails to inform me how this happens, that I have no rights or say living with her. This has not changed in 32 years of my life, and I was blissfully happy when I lived on my own for years. I moved back to NY to HELP HER, and all I get is yelled at for completely irrational sh*t. So irrational, you can't even respond to it. I usually just give her a "WTF??" expression. When she is wrong or mistaken about something, according to her, she is still right. Or she will say something, and then two days later say it never happened, and say the opposite happened.

    :madmad::gun: I am at wits end here!!! I just have to blow off some of this steam. I have no money at the moment, I left a great job, and great apt in a bad state, to help her. Even the family refuses to even aknowlege her. I am a fool I guess, or just tttoooo tender hearted. What should I do?? I am loosing what's left of my joy, sanity and paitence.
     
  2. Overread

    Overread has a hat around here somewhere Staff Member Supporting Member

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    can't you get some support for her - at 62 and with mental conditions surly there is something that you can get - some support a carer?
    A third person (trained) to deal with this sort of situation might help you out a lot.

    You might also need to set some firm ground rules (painfull) especially with regards to money and such.
     
  3. bradster76

    bradster76 TPF Noob!

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    We've tried, the whole clan has. She refuses to admit she has a problem and I can't admit her for some reason. I am just moving out in a few days. I don't care where I go or how I wind up. I just can't stand it anymore. I've done 300% more than anyone one else has done for her, and everything most other 32 yr old sons would never do. I just get treated like sh*t. She said my name is also on the house. Only when there is work to do. Any other time, I'm not on it. I am tired of trying to figure out a crazy person. My stress levels are too high, and I'm going to be smoking again soon....but will avoid the booze..I know how that goes. She drove two of the clan members to that.

    I'm just done with her. Done with it. At 32 I am supposed to be happy, full of life and energy and outgoing. I feel quite the opposite. I'm miserable, depressed, oppressed, lacking control of my life and emotions. I feel like I'm in a prison. Like I've been punished for a crime I never did. She resents me, but uses me for my work, but then puts me down if I don't want to do something right then and there, at her convience. She does not consider anyone else's. I'm at the point where I'm gonna stick the gun in my mouth or hers....OMG...:confused:
     
  4. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon TPF Noob!

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    move out and put her into an old folks home. you may not be able to commit her but i guarantee you can prove her to be unfit to care for herself.
    then she'll have no choice and you can get out.
    sounds bad but sometimes you have to do it.
     
  5. bradster76

    bradster76 TPF Noob!

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    Guess so. :( Hate to see this happen, but I can't do this to myself any longer. I am actually to even see her drive, and this has been a gradual decline in her abilities to cope. Like the other day, I had to go with her somewhere in Utica (half hour away), which is a big city. But getting there is not, and following traffic patterns and flow was not natural or within normal limits. One time I remember well, was we had the green arrow, and traffic across from us was stopped, of course. We were turning left, in the right hand lane. She STOPS in the middle of the intersection, people beeping like crazy...lights are going to change! I said "Mom....keep going. What are you doing?" This is what she said: "I want to make sure that guy over there is stopped...." Which was the oncoming-facing traffic which had been stopped, and clearly so for two mins. "But you can't stop in the middle of traffic! You are in the intersection. You have to keep moving..."
    This was followed by: "Look, I can do whatever I want. I was in an accident once (she was....like 36 years ago), and they can honk all they want."

    How do you respond to that??? And see, if I had said anything else, I'd get yelled at like I was 8 years old again. I told her tonight I'm going to leave. Ten mins. later she says she's "kicking me out". *sigh*.

    Just shoot me....
     
  6. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon TPF Noob!

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    toss her ass in a home.
    yeah, it sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do. she cant take of herself and your sanity is apparently on the line.
    if shes not willing to help you help her then she obviously doesnt need your help. let her be someone elses problem.
    yeah, i understand that she's your mother but arrogance is a *****. time for her to see that its not her way or the highway. its your way or the old folks home.
     
  7. LaFoto

    LaFoto Just Corinna in real life Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Bradster - any solution in sight by now?
    Borderline personality is a difficult state and almost insufferable to all who have to deal with the person. It is a mental state and she cannot really help herself. Treating it is tough for the professionals, it is ever so hard to show borderline patients that they tend to lose touch with reality. They themselves feel all right. Fit to cope. It is their state that makes them seem "arrogant", "bitchy", "know-it-all"-like. I have known a person suffering from borderline personality, and that person KNEW she often drifted into such states where she became irrationally mean to others, was constantly destroying the relationships (however "loose" they were, mere acquaintances, friendships, etc) by her outbursts and her moments of feeling wrongly attacked or not treated right. She could snap into it or out of it (bi-polar), and suffered when she was "normal".

    Seems like your mom has had to deal with her state for so long, the "normal" end of the two poles between which she's moving isn't reached as often any more?

    Would there be any authorities you could talk to?
    Any institutions that at first offer help to a carer (son, in your case)?
    You are on the brink of losing it all for yourself, too. Seems like you do need a real person to talk to and get some of the load off your chest to begin with.
    And then maybe a third party's ideas on how to solve your problem. So you can work out fair and feasible ways to have her live her life in as much happiness as is ever possible for her and have you live your life in the way a young man of 32 is supposed to live.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2008
  8. Hawaii Five-O

    Hawaii Five-O My alter-egos have been banned. :( Now I must be

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    I have an aunt with that decription you gave Lafoto. She has disconncted herself from almost all her family, but she won't admit she has a problem. She has had mental problems for decades but refuses help and won't see a doctor either.
     
  9. bradster76

    bradster76 TPF Noob!

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    Thanks, Foto. :guilty: I'm just emotionally and mental exhausted from all of this. In the next few days, I am gonna find a place of my own I can afford, and try to get in somewhere, that can do real care for her. What you described is her COMPLETELY! Totally out of touch with reality, has no friends or family who want to have a relationship with her for years now, and can change moods like a light switch. Not even remember the last mood she was in. I know she had a awful child hood, so could that be why?



    And that's my mom as well, Five0. WILL NOT admit she has issues. She thinks she has Tourette's. No, I have that....I take meds for Tourette's and have been diagnosed. I have the physical but not verbal form. She has NO sign of that....how rediculous. I've even told her the last time she yelled and argued with me....she has borderline and bi-polar, like I've said for years.

    Well, off to work. Thanks all. I need some folks to talk to. :hugs:
     
  10. JohnMF

    JohnMF TPF Noob!

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    I think you've done as much as you can. You'll just have to bide your time for a little longer until you can move out. Good luck.
     
  11. bradster76

    bradster76 TPF Noob!

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    Think you're right. Thanks for listening to my rant, all. I'm just having a tough time, and needed to talk.

    :hugs: TY all. I got a plan figured out now :wink:
     

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