grrr i'm lonely

[lostprophet]

the 'normal' pc is out the back, this thing is a touchscreen thing for digital photo prints

 

[spiffybeth]

im going to go be productive. i have to walk to the front of the building to see if they are working there yet. and if they are, ill write it in the book. ill be back in less than a minute.

who wants my job?!?!

 

[Tangerini]

:hug::


Here's something that might interest you... A noted biologist, who had been studying frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.

A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium.

It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.

 

[lostprophet]

ok that was funny

 

[Tangerini]

How 'bout some little known mythology?

During the height of ancient Greece, there lived a man named Benny.
One day he was confronted by a very high god who announced that Benny could have anything that his heart desired. Benny replied that he would like to have the hand of the fair lady that he fancied. This being agreed to by the god, Benny was advised that in order to keep the fair lady, he would be required to never shave his beard again. If Benny were to shave he would be cursed and changed forever into a large earthen vessel.
Benny agreed.
But as half-hearted Greek mythologies go, Benny soon forgot his vow. And the beard, which was now down to his knees and interfering with his love life with the fair maiden of his choice, simply had to go. Benny decided to shave. This he did and the curse followed.
Moral: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

 

[Antarctican]

Yayyy! Bad pun humour. Mind if I wade in??


A pirate captain was out to retrieve his buried treasure.
After months of hard sailing his ship caught sight of land,
the land to which his treasure map had been leading. He and
his first mate disembarked on the island to search out the
buried treasure, which was supposed to lie hidden deep with-
in a swamp at the center of the island.

Sure enough, at the center of the island was a swamp, and
the Captain and his first mate bravely entered the swamp.
Soon the swamp began to get deeper, and the pirate's feet,
then ankles, and finally entire leg below the knees was
covered in swamp. It was at that time that the Captain
banged his shin against something hard. He reached down,
searched around, and pulled up a treasure chest.

Prying the lock open, the chest revealed gold and jewels
beyond imagination. The Captain turned to his first mate
and said, "Arrrr, matey, that just goes to show ye, that
booty is only shin deep!"

 

[clarinetJWD]

yay for bad puns! keep em coming

 

[Tangerini]

I like that one Anty.

Did you know that deep in the Amazon there is a lever that when pulled would blow up the earth?
I had heard a while back about a man who was fed up with his life and decided to end it. He decided he wanted to end everything. And what better way to end it all, than to pull this fabled lever? The man of course had not heard all of the story and didn't know of the giant snake named Nate that lives near the lever. It is Nate's sole responsibility to guard the lever and kill any would be lever pullers.

After venturing into the deepest darkest recesses of the Amazon rain forest, he finally came across the world-ending lever, still determined to end it all. When the man reached out to grab onto the lever, Nate slithered quickly around the man and began to tighten into a deathly grip. Before the man took his last breath he managed to pull his knife from his belt and stab Nate.
Both Nate and the man died.

The moral of the story: Better Nate than lever.

 

[clarinetJWD]

Ouch...I guess I asked for that

 

[Antarctican]

I saw some strange goings on in the city today. A group of
sterile monks in white robes were circling a large urn
containing flowers, chanting, raising their hands, bowing to
the urn, and performing some kind of ritual on one young
member of the group.

It appeared to be a vase sect to me.

 

[Antarctican]

Did you hear about the wedding of Yves Montand and Carmen
Miranda?

It was a wedding combining many of the traditions of both of
their heritages. Carmen's hair was worn up and held in place by
beautiful, ornamental combs. After the vows, Carmen pulled out
the combs, let her hair down, and combed it out as an act of
submission, thereby concluding the ceremony and becoming his
wife.

Or, as the related tradition says, "She'll be Carmen Miranda
Montand when she combs."

 

[Tangerini]

:lmao: Hurray for bad puns!

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale. So all the cows stand up and brush themselves off and go back to their business. Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows are knocked to the ground, but the bulls just munch on the grass. Next, a hurricane comes through and all the cows are knocked into the next pasture. The bulls just say "moo." Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and says, "Moo? What's the mooing deal? How come the wind always knocks us for a loop and you just stand there unharmed ?" "Isn't it obvious?" the bull replies. "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

 

[Tangerini]

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."
"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.
"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?"
"I'm marrying a Russet!"
"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride.
"Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement."
"And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"
"You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?"
"I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter.
"An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make."
"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"
"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?"
"I'm marrying Dan Rather!"

"Dan Rather?!" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"

 

[Antarctican]

(I think we've driven LP away with all these puns!)

When Marco Polo first opened the trade
routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now,
these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the
air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he
went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding
someone to demonstrate them for him.

"Not here!" they said. ...very confusing. Until ol' Marc came upon
an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here,
fireworks were launched every night, and Marc was very impressed!

But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people
came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So
Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks.

Marc's guide replied: "Why honored Sir, ... We always set off
fireworks on the Forts of Chu'Lai"

 

[Antarctican]

When South Vietnam was nearing its end, and General Minh was in charge, a popular artist
came to him and asked to make a statue in his honor (at government expense). "Please, General Minh, you are the people's hero," he told him.

"Yes, but make the sculpture in bronze," replied the general.

So the artist made the sculpture, but when it was unveiled in a small private ceremony,
the general was furious. For the sculpture was made in gold.

"I want bronze," he said, "I want bronze!"

The artist went away in a hurry, deeply impressed with this show of humility. But
he still wanted to honor the general, so he made the next sculpture in silver.

But again the general was furious. "I want bronze," he said, "I want bronze!"

This time the artist made the sculpture out of bronze as asked. When the sculpture was revealed to the general, he was overjoyed at the wonderful bronze likeness. The artist then complimented the general on his deep humility.

"But why did you want sculpture made of bronze?"

"Why? I'll tell you why," said the general. "Because General Minh prefer bronze!"