Is it possible ...?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by anicole, Feb 15, 2006.

  1. anicole

    anicole TPF Noob!

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    So, I have an ongoing debate as to whether or not it's possible for men and women to be JUST FRIENDS. I think it's very possible and happens often ... the counterpart to this debate says it's not possible ... that there will always be some sort of 'more than friends' feelings involved with one of them ... if not both, and that it's just setting the stage for something to happen.

    I know people who have had very close opposite sex friends for years ... met, dated and married someone and suddenly ... the spouse wigs out and gets all possessive and says, "That's wrong! You shouldn't have them as friends anymore! You're married to me!!!" Funny ... everyone got along when they were dating ... even had the friend in the wedding ... then all of a sudden ... *poof* ... the world ends and jealousy reigns. Okay ... is everyone supposed to throw away years of history and bonding? What exactly happened when the vows were said and cake was had?

    Now, I'm not saying you can still hang out every weekend or stuff like that. I think it's fine to have lunch, email or talk on the phone ... and everyone hanging out, having dinner ... whatever ... is fine.

    I happen to NOT be a jealous person ... seems to be wasted energy to me. You either know your significant other's commitment or not.

    Any thoughts?
     
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  2. Verbal

    Verbal $100

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    I'd say of course it's possible. lol, you and I, for instance.

    However. I am a jealous person, lol...definitely. Ask my ex. And I think I'd be a little peeved if my wife went out to lunch with some other guy, or something like that. I know that when I was dating Ari, out of respect for her I stopped spending one-on-one time with all my gal friends...and all my best friends were girls, so that was tough at times. But she appreciated it :thumbup: I always hope my next girl shows me the same respect
     
  3. mentos_007

    mentos_007 The Freshmaker!

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    well... i do belive in a strong friendship between man and woman. I do have to close friends (boys)... but... ok... one of them was actually my bf a long time ago, but we both decided it would be easier to stay friends only. we meet sometimes, chat and so on.
    but.. remember that I'm not married so I cannot tell you how the relationship might change... I always believd that friendship between man and woman can exist...
     
  4. Corry

    Corry Flirtacious and Bodacious Supporting Member

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    One of my best friends is a guy named Brian. We've been friends for 4 years now, and I can talk to him about almost anything.
     
  5. anicole

    anicole TPF Noob!

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    I get along with most of my husband's friends and he gets along with most of mine ... I don't feel disrespected when he hangs with them. I'm pretty particular in my friends and who I let in, so I never give the trust a second thought.
     
  6. 'Daniel'

    'Daniel' TPF Noob!

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    I would neve rmarry someone who expected me to do that.
     
  7. Traci

    Traci when you wish upon a star...

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    I think that it is totally possible to be good, even best friends with someone of the opposite sex. I happen to have quite a few really good guy friends, to which I have NO attraction to and I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual.
    I'm not a jealous person either, as Anicole said, it's a waste of energy.
    I recently asked someone that I am interested in dating his opinion on this subject, because as I mentioned, I have a lot of guy friends. He said that he thought it was disrespectful for me to have guy friends while we're dating. I didn't like that response, at the same time, I could understand his point of view. It made me think...and I believe that trust is more the issue. So, now I'm wondering if he is someone that I want to date or not.

    For me, I say yes, it is possible to be just friends.
     
  8. Verbal

    Verbal $100

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    For me and my ex it wasn't so much a question of whether I trusted her... I did. But, I also know that she's rather naive, and I didn't trust ANY of her guy friends, and I had reasons.
     
  9. Traci

    Traci when you wish upon a star...

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    That's why I said I could understand his point of view, I suppose I didn't clarify that. I'd hope that he would be willing to befriend my friends and understand our friendship is purely that, friendship.
     
  10. Verbal

    Verbal $100

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    Yeah...although I suppose when it comes down to it, I was having trust issues...I didn't really trust her judgement in friends. Some of her guy friends had made passes at her in the past and showed no signs of stopping, but it wasn't a huge deal to her...
     
  11. terri

    terri Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    I agree with Traci. But it has to be strictly platonic on both sides, or it won't work. Somebody will be faking, because they're hiding something.

    Can't imagine telling someone to give up a friendship that existed before marriage. I suppose if I had doubts about the person, that might raise a red flag, but until I really had good reason, it wouldn't seem fair.
     
  12. Traci

    Traci when you wish upon a star...

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    That just means your relationship wasn't meant to be and you'll find the right person next time, hopefully. :hug::
     

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