The Last Thing I'll Ever See (Mature Theme. Fake Blood)

Discussion in 'Dark Side Gallery' started by Hof8231, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. Hof8231

    Hof8231 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    A picture I took to show my thought process leading up to and in the moments directly after my suicide attempt. Really only used this to try out fake blood for the first time. I know I need a lot of work with it, but I just wanted to give it a shot. Blood pattern on my shirt is matched to the blood pattern on the actual shirt I was wearing as best I could.


    Yes, I know how weird it is to some people that I do these kind of photos after attempting a suicide. It helps me. I can't explain why, but it does.

    [​IMG]
    IMG_9746 Sorry 3 by SteveH8231, on Flickr


     
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  2. TechChuck

    TechChuck TPF Noob!

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    I like it, Thanks for sharing and thankful that you survived you attempt.
     
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  3. Hof8231

    Hof8231 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Thank you very much. Photography has really helped me through this. My ex-girlfriend (the girl in the picture) is a professional photographer so when I got home from the hospital, I took up photography as a way to remind myself of the good times I had with her and to help me pass the time and express myself. It seems to be going well so far.
     
  4. GaryT

    GaryT TPF Noob!

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    Are you okay dude, we have all been in dark places but you need to try and stop and think to yourself that things are never really that bad. Time does make it easier as big a cliche as that is, it's true.

    The picture is deep, ****ing deep. Draw a line under that part of your life, put the picture away and move on. When your ready to, burn it.

    Took balls to post that. Hope your doing better now, keep on keeping on.
     
  5. chuckeb

    chuckeb TPF Noob!

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    I understand this way more than I should. Not too long ago I lost the use of my left eye. My good eye. I thought I'd lost everything. I used to be a pro video camera. Now I struggle to focus. I was an inch from doing it. The one thing that kept me from it was knowing some a wonderful family who consider me one of theirs would be devastated. I'm glad we both made it. The pic says it all.
     
  6. madlioness

    madlioness TPF Noob!

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    You are communicating a status through art, there is nothing here I find strange. Very nice idea
     
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  7. Hof8231

    Hof8231 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Thanks for the feedback everybody. I really appreciate it.

    To those who were concerned by my posting something of this nature, I really can't explain it, but it helps me. A lot. I'll always have a certain darkness inside me and as long as I'm portraying it in my photographs and that's all, I feel that I won't let it overcome me again.
     
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  8. ThroughTheIris

    ThroughTheIris TPF Noob!

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    Totaallllyyyy understand that that sort of thing helps in a situation like this. Most people would think its weird and morbid to want to go through effort to reenact such a horrid scene...but to each their own, if it helps, it helps, its no one else's place to say otherwise. Everyone heals differently...my final (AND I MEAN FINAL) attempt was way closer than i remember it being...in the moment, you don't think straight, you know, its like you're watching a tv show about yourself. Looking back it was like whoaaa....I was THAT close... It took me damn near a year to even look at a gun...be near a gun..be ok with gun shots on tv...but about 2 weeks ago, I put on my big girl panties and walked in to a gun store and held a gun...just to do it..I knew I was in a safe place with people who know how to handle them properly so I held on to that feeling of safety...and I held it..only for a min or so...and at first the panic was setting in...but then I cracked a joke about how it matched the colors on my shirt...and i was fine :) Now I'm totally over that fear...my bf can finally have his gun on him when we go out to walmart or whatever and I don't lose my mind...now I'm just rambling...basically, Powerful pic, Glad you know what helps YOU...ever need to talk about mental disorders + photo therapy...or anything, I'm a good listener :) Shoot me a msg anytime!
     
  9. ThroughTheIris

    ThroughTheIris TPF Noob!

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    Haaa...seee...just noticed I wrapped up with post with "shoot me"...see? I'm better :)
     
  10. bribrius

    bribrius Been spending a lot of time on here!

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    hmm.
    buddy of mine killed himself a couple years ago. planned it out. watched a video on line of someone hanging themselves. he timed it by the second how long it took for them to go so he new what he was in for. he wasn't scared to do it at all. I watched the video too. I wasn't suicidal, but I was curious as he said he timed it. it appeared he timed it right. I think we debated how long it would take, so I watched the video to see if he was right. he was. he had it down.
    week goes by, smoking a cigarette talking to him he asks me if I believe in God. Told him I believe God. Same god as others I don't know. But I do. he asked if he went through with it if he would go to hell. I told him I don't know. He asked if I thought the God I believed in would send him to hell. I told him I don't know, probably. he asked if I had the same god that wrote the Christian bible. I told him I don't know, part of it maybe. I wasn't a word for word bible fundamentalist. he asked if the bible said he would go to hell if he did it. I told him I thought it did. He asked me what I thought was on the other side. Said again, I don't know. never been dead.

    He asked again if I thought he would go to hell. Said I don't know, never been dead. Questioned me again if I believed in God. I said yes, but again, may not be other peoples God. He asked if I ever thought about killing myself, told him no, not seriously, im going to end up dead anyway its a fact. He seemed really upset about the thought he might go to hell.
    so I asked him what about his wife? He says she will move on, he wants her happy hopes she moves on and is happy. Even said he wanted her to find another man and be happy. asked about his kid, says she will be okay, in time. Mostly, he just really seemed worried about the idea of going to hell.
    I actually didnt think he was going to go through with it. He was so worried about going to hell. And he was pissed over the idea that any God I might believe in would send him to hell. so I didn't think he would go through with it, least not yet. week goes by. Back of my mind, im thinking there is no way he will do it. Im also kind of thinking its his choice if he does, but I don't think he will.

    Then one day, week after that conversation. He does it. im standing not more than fifty feet behind his house. he jumps off the wash machine and hangs himself off a rafter in his basement. just like he timed out watching that video. cops come. hearse comes to get him. Good thing his wife was gone and kid in school.

    so I go to his funeral. everyones there. sitting in church. All I kept thinking about is where he ended up. I wonder. I can judge him for leaving a wife and kid behind, they paid for that. I cant judge him for making his actual choice. His life. One thing you should always have, is a right to decide your own life. if nothing else. That last bit of respect and independence. And we all end up dead, he just hit fast forward by thirty or fourty years. So i couldn't judge him in that way, and ive never been dead. How would I know if he was better off or not. Not the same decision I would have made though. I cant say if he is better off or not. I can say he wasn't forgotten. his wife did move on though. she is with someone else now. He was right about that at least. .


    oh. he was into photography too. he liked photographing the sky, astronomy. I guess even up there he wondered what laid beyond..
    Not sure what he found wherever he went to. could not be good though. Don't know for sure, never been dead.


    i'd just be real careful, if you get nothing out of this. You might only be able to make that choice once and you don't know where you are going.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2014
  11. rexbobcat

    rexbobcat Been spending a lot of time on here!

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    Well there's my wtf for the morning
     
  12. pjaye

    pjaye TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    You need to explain to me. I get it. Completely.
     

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