Traffic stop nightmare!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by LWW, Oct 1, 2005.

  1. LWW

    LWW TPF Noob!

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    I had a conversation with my attorney today regarding a traffic citation I received last night. Let me recount the conversation to you, and it is largely a telling of the details of the traffic incident, and please give me your honest opinions on my legal chances and the LEO's conduct.

    My attorney asks why I'm here, and I'll admit I've had more than 1 lifetime's supply of tickets and he has represented me on a few but every ticket I've ever had was for speed only.

    He then asks me to tell what so happened so I explain I am driving south on I-75 with the cruise set at 65 MPH in a 65 MPH zone at about 11:45 PM. I'm quite tired but sober. I have had 2 beers at an APA billiard league match. One before my match and one after to celebrate our team winnining 4 of 5 matches that evening. I weigh 210 lbs and am 48 years old and have no desire to harm myelf or another citizen. I am driving in the middle of 3 lanes.

    As I approach an underpass I see 4 teenagers on the bridge I'm about to go under and I notice 1 of them drop a dark square object over the center lane. I do the math in my head quickly and estimate the trajectory to put the object somewhere in the vicinity of the hood to the trunk of the car and I'm obviously the bullseye between those 2 points.

    Being an attentive, but tired, driver I am aware that I have an SUV fairly close to my rear bumper so a panic stop could be a disaster and I am in the process of passing a quite striking blonde in a classic 70's VW Karman-Ghia on my right hand side so any swerve in that direction is also trouble. Knowing that my only option is swerve left and assume the SUV will have sufficient ground clearance to clear the object I follow that course.

    Fortuneately there is nobody in that lane and I proceed thinking I missed a close call with I don't know what...YET.

    Within a minute I have a LEO on my rear bumper siren on lights flashing and through the PA I get "PULL OVER NOW!" I do so and the officer comes to the door, tops down, and looks me in the eye and says "When did you buy the @&#?%$ road?"

    I ask what the issue is and the LEO replies "I ask the @&#?%$ questions and I'd like to see your @&#?%$ pilot's license." Well I figure if this is the way it's going to be I'll try to defuse the situation with some levity and since I'm a private pilot I had him my pilot's license.

    This backfires as now the LEO is turning red in the face and says "Oh so know you think it's a @&#?%$ing game eh...lemme see your @&#?%$ driver's license" which I then produce.

    Next it's "Lemme see your @&#?%$ title" then it's my "@&#?%$ registration", then it's my "@&#?%$ proof of insurance". I provide every item as requested and without hesitation.

    By this time my attorney is getting pretty bent and smelling a possible suit and he asks if I was released at that point? I explain that we are just getting started.

    The LEO then asks "where the @&#?%$" I had been so I explain and answer that I have had 2 beers when asked. Next it's "Out of the car, so you are a @&#?%$ing pool shark that's been drinking huh?"

    Well next I'm in the car and taking a breathalyzer test, which I score a .03....well under the limit. Finally I'm at my wit's end and I ask if I'm under arrest and what on Earth is this guy's problem.

    He looks at me and says "Do you think I'm @&#?%$ing blind, I saw the way you were dodging that red sports car all over the road trying to impress that gal!"

    Now I'm getting steamed and I ask if his eyesight is so outstanding did he see the teens on the bridge and the object they dropped. He states that he saw them but didn't see them drop anything. I then recount my thought process and awareness of the vehicle on my right and behind me and my logic in veering hard left. The LEO tells me that we are going to go back the underpass and if there is in fact an object I'm free to go but if not I'm in "BIG @&#?%$ing trouble!"

    Well I'm fine with it I explain to my attorney as I know the object is there and my attorney is fuming because he knows me to be an involved community minded citizen and not prone to exagerate a story.

    Well I'm in the backseat of the police cruiser and we RAPIDLY take off and then go bounding across the median to the north side of I-75 and accelerate to 85 MPH in a 65 MPH zone and past the underpass then bouncing across the median again and RAPIDLY head back towards the underpass, all the while I'm thinking that I'm stuck with a guy who has just wigged out under pressure.

    Well when we pull up to the underpass on the berm there are 3 cars and 2 trucks pulled off to the side of the road very close by with flat tires all. Spread across all 3 lanes of the roadway are these big roofing tacks like you put shingles on with. They have all blasted from the box that is still in the middle of the center lane just as I described and it is clearly marked "ROOFING TACKS-1,000 COUNT".

    My attorney says "so then he finally let you go?" and I say yes he did and made me walk back to my own car approximately 1 mile down the road.

    "WHAT!!!!" my attorney explains. I say, "but wait, there's more" and he asks what more could there possibly be to this fiasco?

    I explain that after being scared nearly to death by the event, after being stopped for nothing, after the verbal abuse, after passing the breath test, after being scared nearly to death by the ride, after being totally vindicated in what I had said to the LEO being true, after all that the guy gives me a ticket ANYWAY!

    My attorney bolts up from his chair more agitated than I have ever seen him in the 22 years I have known him and says "What the @&#?%$ for?"

    I explain to him the citation was for "TACKS EVASION!

    LWW
     
  2. LizM

    LizM TPF Noob!

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    GROAN
     
  3. Meysha

    Meysha still being picky Vicky

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    Here was me thinking it was a true story.

    But it was pretty good.

    What does LEO mean?
     
  4. Andrea K

    Andrea K TPF Noob!

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    hahaha nice one
     
  5. LWW

    LWW TPF Noob!

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    LEO = Law Enforcement Officer.

    LWW
     
  6. Corry

    Corry Flirtacious and Bodacious Supporting Member

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    Ok...I read the WHOLE THING and it was a JOKE? Grrrrr!
     
  7. Luminosity

    Luminosity No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Ditto

    *Throws a rotten tomato @ LWW * :mrgreen:
     
  8. Midnight Reign

    Midnight Reign TPF Noob!

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    I can believe I read the whole thing.........
     
  9. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    Ok, but what about LWW? :p


    That was a truly terrible joke. The one you posted, that is. :lol:
     

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