I'd totally crop the first one right down to show the people in between the joists. If I can get a bit of time tomorrow I'll show you what I mean after work, as compositionally that's pretty good. The flat lighting kinda kills it though (maybe a bit of dodging and burning may help) and I think the angle being ftom the height we'd normally expect to see a view from here makes it look kinda ordinary. There's also somthing I can't quite put my finger on here mate, it just looks kinda formal and forced. Maybe someone else with a bit more insight can chime in.
Saying all that I really think you are very close with the first, just note quite hit it. Sorry if that sounds harsh mate, keep shooting and I'm sure you will get there!
i was trying to get rid of the people but it was not that easy to do without removing part of the beams as well so i just left them. in the second one i did remove a person, you can see the blue and his lower half still lol.. i did not really like that photo that much so ill probably scrap that one, just figured i would post it anyways.
definitely a different perspective on that one, looking at my version and your crop i see things i like and dislike with both. a tighter crop does look better, i think i would like to see the whole roof and deck in the photo and I am not really a fan of black and white photos though..
i was playing around with the crop, straightened the photo a bit and this is what i came up with..