Depressed

[Corry]

Glad to hear that! That's wonderful news!

 

[jophassa]

I am quite scared now. I am only 18 and hearing this stuff that happens in people's lives is scary. I wish I had something proper to worry about. Do people really still worry about their looks when they are older? I thought it was just a teenage thing. Any light to be shined?

 

[Luminosity]

Like the saying goes:

'When one door closes, another one opens...".

The door to your relationship is closing and the door to a new you is opening. Welcome back to you.

Yet, not the same 'you'. Things have changed, maybe there's some new 'furniture', maybe the 'room' has been arranged a little differently....one thing you will notice is that the room is structured stronger, is larger and more beautiful....with a nicer view .

Enjoy the rediscovery, it will soon feel amazing after the initial cold-water dousing, which shocks you awake at the end of a relationship, wears off.

 

[Soul Rebel]

Thats exactly how I feel. Like I am finally awake. I feel like something has been turned on and I am very, very excited. There are so many things that I can do now. I can just get up and leave and not worry when I have to come back. I can go hiking. I can finally start to feel good about myself.

That was one thing that bothered me about Michelle. I had to forget so many things. I really forgot the person I was. I was a caring, gentle, happy person. When she was finished with me I was uptight, angry, and most times I was depressed. Despite the fact that its only been a few days, I feel like such a burden off my soldiers. I was telling a friend that it felt like this had ended a long time ago. A lot of the feelings had started to dissapear and I had started to realize a lot of things.

I am starting to talk to this girl from town. Its nice to talk to somebody that actually cares about you. That actually takes interest in the things that I like. That I dont have to watch what I say around. Sure, im not jumping into another relationship right off the bat. But I have to admit....I kinda like this girl

Anyway, thanks again. Not just for this thread and the advice I was given. But everything during the time I have been here. Im not sure what I would have done without this place.

 

[Soul Rebel]

Enjoy the rediscovery, it will soon feel amazing after the initial cold-water dousing, which shocks you awake at the end of a relationship, wears off.

Its weird but I feel that this period lasted one day. I was upset, depressed, and at times angry. The next day....I felt great. Like I needed a day to get over it. Granted, we helped her move out and seeing how filthy the place was really turned me off. There are other things as well. Im starting to find out a few things that I didnt know at the time. Like the fact that she may not have gone to the hospital for a seizure. Im finding out it may have been for fear of a drug OD. I dont know. Ive got that from a pretty good source.

Its not the life I want. Not now. Not tomorrow. And im not sure ill ever want to go back.

 

[Luminosity]

You're going to have some periods of uncertainty or anger or any other 'negative' emotion. That's completely natural. Then you'll have times of clarity and a sense of freedom to explore a fabulous new path that now lies ahead of you. Just go with it, whatever you feel.

It depends on what stage you were at in your relationship when it ended. It seems that you were at the stage where you wanted out, for your own sake and felt that you had outgrown the relationship (which happens, you walk down the path with one person for awhile but then sometimes you'll both reach a crossroads where you have to part in order to walk your own line). If this was the case then your 'recovery time' will be faster, as opposed to someone who didnt see it coming and was completely happy with the person.

We're all here whenever you need to vent or chat about this. Definitely shoot me off an email any time the mood takes ya!

Again though, congrats on a new chapter in your life! Yes, that sounds weird, saying that to someone going through a break-up, but there's positive in everything. I believe that with all my heart, everytime something upsetting happens or something doesnt turn out how I wanted it to I question where the lesson is in it, what and where the hidden gift is, because it's always there. That has carried me through a lot of dark, low low times.

 

[Soul Rebel]

So ive been visiting with Michelle a little the last few days. Mostly playing with Brayden, her youngest. Its been fun. I told her I loved you, which I do. I am sure I will always love her. At least in some small way. She said it back, which surprised me. I did feel an attraction and I noticed a few of the things that I fell in love with her for. The small things. The way she smiles at my jokes. Talks to me really sweet. But I did remember the things I did not like. Like the living situation and how dirty it was. Sometimes I worry about Brayden.

Its kind of weird. Ive been talking to the girl that I was seeing before Michelle. Who I got pictures from (dont need to go into detail again) while seeing Michelle and got in trouble for. I guess in a way it would be more of a rebound thing, but she seems to be on the same track. I dont know. I might go see her up in Seattle.

Everything is kind of jumbled. I remember why I fell for Michelle. I know what I dont like. And I guess I have to decide if waiting for her to change is worth the reward? I know that in a perfec world it would be but I have my doubts that she will change.

 

[Soul Rebel]

And it all goes up in flames!

What a weird few days. I ended up visiting Daniele, the girl I was seeing before Michelle. It was nice. She has changed. I can see myself becoming pretty good friends with her again. Nothing resembing a relationship but she is a good friend.

Michelle didnt like the fact that I was up seeing her. Hated it in fact. I even got a message from her best friend (who Michelle slept with. Yes, she is a girl. And yes, that makes me feel wonderful!) asking why I was seeing/dating somebody so quickly.

Then yesterday her best friend throws some information at me that I question Michelle about. Not that I really cared but I thought if there was a chance then honesty would be a nice thing to have. Well, her friend denies saying it. Makes me out to being a lier. Then messages/texts/IM's me some pretty nasty stuff. Michelle and I got into a pretty heated argument.

This is all starting to push me over the edge. Im almost to the point of calling it quits for good. Not even giving this relationship another chance. Its really starting to get to me.

Oh, and I ended up lending her 50 bucks with the promise that I would get it back after she got the check she was supposed to get today. Some of it was spent and there is now just enough to get into the fair. We had planned to go as a "family" and get some photos of the kids with me included. Well, she doesnt have enough. So she is using the money and taking her best friend. Great. So I wait 2 days to go on Saturday then dont get to go at all. That really capped off the events of the last few days.

 

[Luminosity]

Oh, Soul, sounds like she's taking advantage now. Not only that but she's getting other people involved...and that's disrespectful and, as you can see, is making this a messy situation.

Take yourself out of the 'he said, she said' stuff. This is between you and her and no-one else and you need to stick to your guns with this. If any friends start calling and acting as go-betweens, politely tell them that anything between you and Michelle will be dealt with only BY you and Michelle.

Anyone with half a brain and some respect would not only understand that, they would'nt get themselves involved in the first place. Thus, this tells you what this friend is not trustworthy or respectful ( to you or Michelle).

Go up and read your 6th and 7th (if I counted right) post in this thread. Keep reading it if you have to. You seemed to be on the track that felt good to you there. You still have feelings for her and some hope that maybe you can get back together and those feelings tend to cloud up your gut instinct and doing what is really right for you.

If the right thing is to make another go at the relationship, I think this will present itself with space and time. Right now, it seems, it's all too close for you to make a balanced judgment call on your status with her and it seems she is acting in a way that is not fair to you.

Don't leave the ball in her court, be proactive and do something right for yourself. She will only respect you for it and realize she can't start dragging you around whenever she feels the whim.

I'm feelin for ya bud, I went through something pretty damn similiar (without the kids factor mind you) and I let my feelings for him be manipulated through a 'make up/break up' chaos that lasted a year until I finally caught him with one of his many girls and got that bucket of ice cold water thrown at me. It woke me up, I kicked him out of my life for good and damn did it feel beautiful and empowering!

 

[Soul Rebel]

Well....they didnt go the fair. Michelle slept all day. So I stayed away from the fair for no reason. I didnt go Thursday, Friday or Saturday and now I have to get out of there before noon tomorrow. I dont have to of course but I dont want to ruin my day becaue of her friend. I know that lets her "win" and thats fine....I just dont want to be stressed and constantly look over my shoulder and see if they are around. And Michelle was ****ed at me for being upset. Oh, because I told her friend (who called and was going to ask me to watch the kids since Michelle would not get up) that she was ****ing me off. How dare I get angry. How dare I let something get to me.

I cant do this much longer. I cant let this control my life. I want the kids in my life but if this drama BS doesnt stop I dont know what I will do. I have gotten to the point that I know I dont want to get back into that relationship. Not just now but ever. I dont want to live that life. Its not me. I felt I lowered myself for long enough.

Oh well. I need to find something to keep myself occupied. Photography has helped. The fact that I had some cash and bought me a digital photography book, 2 photography magazines, and today bought another book and magazine.....has really helped. I should read them, lol.

 

[EBphotography]

Luminosity had some great points. You can't keep allowing her and her friends to play games with you. I haven't followed your situation very closely but it seems you need to break away, even if only for a little while. Everyones just biting at the chance to chew each other out, and time could heal that.

 

[Soul Rebel]

Luminosity had some great points. You can't keep allowing her and her friends to play games with you. I haven't followed your situation very closely but it seems you need to break away, even if only for a little while. Everyones just biting at the chance to chew each other out, and time could heal that.

Very true.

Ive got the kids tonight. And most likely tomorrow night. That doesnt bother me. My plan is to pick them up and not socialize with Michelle. Just enough to say hi, tell her when ill bring them back, and be on my way. When I do bring them back I am not going to hang out like I had been. I dont need that. I dont need the drama. I know that I have argued at times but I really dont think I deserve a lot of the things that are being said or done. Its just not fair.

 

[Alison]

The fact that you continue to be there for the children is wonderful. I am sure they are very confused and hurt as well, and to have somewhat of a constant in their life is probably very helpful. I hope that no matter what happens with your relationship that you will be able to continue to see them.

 

[Soul Rebel]

Ive taken such an odd road the last couple of weeks. The day she broke up I cried. The next day I was ****ed. It quickly went from there and I ended up deciding I didnt want to get back together. However, with the kids still in my life I have to be around her drama. Ive gotten to the point that....I dont even want to be around her. Ive thought that maybe its better for the kids to just move on but then I realize that I am worried about them being over there fulltime. But if I take my worries and try getting something done about it then I lose them forever. I have no legal rights.

The last 2 days have been hectic. Lots of arguing.

 

[Soul Rebel]

Well....things are getting interesting again. Her family is holding a family meeting, that she knows nothing about, and is going to call CPS. I am being told by a friend of hers that is trying to get her on the right track that its about 90% sure that a family member will take him. I have to sit and wait to see where I will stand in things. I have no legal rights but I feel I should have some say. I have been in his life a year and a half, he calls me dad, and he seems to be happiest here. I really cant take him. I need to find my own life and get a job. I wish I could. I guess I could, technically, but is that what is best for him?

Its tough. I have him tonight and most likely for a few days. I love the kid to death and the more time I spend with him the deeper it gets. He has been much more clingy the last few days and when I leave he freaks out. I love the attention but it also breaks my heart. There are times I feel alright but then times it feels like somebody is squeezing my heart. I feel anxious. Powerless. Like I want to do something but I dont know where to start.