Good One-Liners.

[m1a1fan]

Anybody want to share some good one-liners. I'll start.

You couldn't find your own ass with a map and a flashlight.

OR

They couldn't engineer their way out of a paper bag.

Good times...

 

[Triehard]

If it ain't broken, don't fix it. ;-)

 

[caspertodd]

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. :mrgreen:

 

[matt-l]

1]you're heads so far up you're own ass you can chew you're food twice.

2]he's as stund as a box of rocks.

 

[clarinetJWD]

(I've used this one so many times, yet find myself laughing every time)

So, a bably seal walks into a club...

 

[BoblyBill]

Can I have a band-daid because I skinned my knee when I fell for you...

 

[matt-l]

you're as useful as tits on a bull.

 

[Phranquey]

You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.


In memory of the great George Carlin...the man was an observational genius.



"What is a free gift, aren't all gifts free?"

"If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?"

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?"

"How do blind people know when they are done wiping?"

"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"

"If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?"

"If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?"

"If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?"

"Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?"

 

[hovis]

He couldn't find his own arse with both hands

There is no beginning to your talent

If sex is boring, is incest relatively boring?

about as much use as a chocolate fireguard

so, as a visitor,what do you think of our planet?

the only way to make her eyes light up is to shine a torch in her ears

 

[matt-l]

He don't know his head from a hole in the ground

your as slippery as a snot on a doorknob

 

[zendianah]

Some one liners from Rodney Dangerfield....

1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.

I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.


My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

 

[zendianah]

George Carlin :

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

 

[[JR]]

Here's one I would use on a photography forum haha

Everybody has photographic memory, you just don't have any film.