Ok, after reading all of your great responses and feeling even more overwhelmed than when I started I went out and spent the day in my garden doing manual labour and getting my hands dirty, it is a great way to just lose yourself in the day and think freely and as a bonus my whole garden is finally planted! woot!
First and foremost I want to thank all of you for taking the time to think around this with me and responding, you all gave me good things to think about even if they did send me to places I really don't like to go.
John, thanks, when I first wrote the thread I thought it was just about what to do next, but I realize that it is a bit of both in a way, I'll elaborate more as I go along.
C, thank you for that hug, I needed it!!
Derrel, still just wow, speechless and thank you <3
As I said in my pm I thought this was just about what to do next but I'm also finding challenges and frustration with trying to convey emotion in my photographs. After reading your reply I feel a bit more at peace with that at this point but I'm sure the perfectionist in me will continue to be frustrated but that will also continue to drive me to learn and get better.
Deeky, thanks, I'm sorry I wasn't more clear in my OP, that is a great suggestion and one that I actually often use, I'm sure it will help people and be a reminder to me when I look back on this thread time to time.
Runnah, this is one place that I don't like to go, I will say that the validation and appreciation of what I do is important to me as shallow as that may sound to some and I'm ok with that (un)fortunately money is more often than not tied to that validation and appreciation and it clouds things for me because it's not about the money, the money is just a nice side effect of the whole.
Gavjenkins, good post, and good information. I have thought around most of it in the non portrait section (I'm not into portraits at this point) but one thing I didn't consider was approaching someone to piggyback with, there are a couple possibilities locally that I may check out.
Lew, I'm sure our situations are different but I do have the same fear, how will this drive what I'm doing and will I feel the same passion and drive around it when I have added other expectations.
It's not about the money per se, it is more about this being a very transitional time in my life, kids are grown and self sufficient, our dear old dog just passed away freeing me up from being tied to home to care for her as I was before and I'm looking at where I go from here in general as well as in photography.
For various reasons I had to give up my career and working life 12 years ago and I find myself in a unique situation now where I have the opportunity to give this a go as a "job" for lack of a better term. I always wanted to be an artist in some capacity and have looked for years for the medium that is right for me and I believe I have found that in photography. So like I said I do have the fear that this may change things for me and I may resent the added responsibilities and requirements that don't involve being behind the camera but I may not and I can't answer that for myself unless I at least try.
Sleist, thank you, so true! I'm working on it
Steve, thank you, it is incredible how much power we let our inner voice have over us when it keeps us in our comfort zone and safe, I needed to hear that.
Ken, thanks for your thoughts, like I said in my response to Lew I have the same fears about what will drive and influence me if I take this step but if I don't try it I won't ever have the answers and will always wonder.
And finally Andrew, "well what now?" is the perfect simplification. At this point I'm just archiving because I don't know what to do now but I definitely need to make a plan, this loop is starting to drag on me but my daily shooting keeps me going like a hamster on a wheel. I'm not sure what the plan will be yet but I'm a little closer than I was yesterday thanks to you guys
So again, thanks so much everyone, this is far from how I expected this thread to go, deep down I think I was kinda counting on you all being arseholes, telling me to get real and come back down to earth so I could stick my head back up my butt and hide because to be honest this whole thing scares the snot out of me. If I choose to move forward I will have to confront some pretty ugly demons, the biggest one is actually being face to face with people to present my work for consideration and second is my serious lack of organization, the thought of it makes me sweat. I am trying to wrap my head around the whole and I keep telling myself that slaying those inner demons will only come to good things and if I want this bad enough I need to suck it up and get over it this time.
