Photo Series with a storyline for your enjoyment!

[jaomul]

Very interesting

 

[Markw]

Photos added between 8 and 9. Please take note.

Mark

 

[Overread]

It feels disjointed or messy as a series.

I can certainly see where the story is and can read most of it, but a bit of me feels like the story is being forced by gathering up photos that work story wise but not presentation wise.

For example between shots 5 and 5-1 there is a big change in the overall ambient and style of shooting. This is somewhat jarring at this point and makes the early photos feel like they are a regular photoshoot just tacked onto the starting point of the story.

9-1 to 11 again a bit of disjointment here in that (without turning picture or my head upside down) I can't connect with the emotions she is displaying as I can't see the material that she is reading clearly. This confuses since we see her go from painful dispare and suffering into all smiles and grins. I would also say that if someone is wearing makeup and goes from heavy tears they should have and then keep (through following series) the running makup over their face; let their features carry the changes in emotion not the makeup.
But again I'll say that by 11 she is grinning happy, almost with seduction, but I've no idea (as the story reader) why - I can't connect until into slide 12.

17 - yep I see hanging here to, levetation I think would require us to see more of the person, to see that they are not hanging from a rope; or to see the legs moving in the air (or at least have the ankles not pionting in a very dead appearing downward turn).

18 - I get where you're goint but the suddent cut and paste use cheapens the effect and jars with the style of the bulk of the presentation.

17-19 - she starts in the bathroom - then on the bed now at the bottom of the stairs. You've got the scenes but not the linkage between them, as the viewer I'm not sure what quite is happening.

 

[Markw]

Overread - Thank you for all of your comments! I agree with just about all of them. I realized all of it during editing, and there was no time to do a reshoot. Like I said in the beginning post, it's REALLY not what I wanted it to be, at all. But, it will work for the purposes for which it was intended. Am I satisfied with it? No, not really for anything serious. Thought I'd share anyhow.

Thanks again,
Mark

 

[cgipson1]

Hey Mark.. I did a C&C...back in my "reserved" area! Close to what Overread posted, actually....

very nice work on the photos!

 

[Markw]

I like the overall theme! and most of the photography rocks! Thank you. the story doesn't flow that well though.. and gets a little confusing! The additional picture you added between 8 & 9 helped a bit.

1 to 5 Nice shots! Very nice! Thanks again!

5-1 & 5-2.. totally change in style, color, etc.. I can see that as part of the storyline.. going from warmth (love) to cold and clinical .. but there is a transition lacking. If you had introduced the car earlier (prior to the wreck shot) and done a shot through a windshield of the two of them with really scared looks on their faces.. or even one of him driving off as she sadly waves goodbye? These shots need some work to bring them into the mood and color to match the rest a little better.... not sure just what! Maybe get a shot with the some color and tone with her talking to a cop... crying her eyes out? Hmmm..I may have to see if I can find a similar car to try this with before I print. That's a good point.

#6... looks like a different guy in the casket, where is the beard and mustache? He shaved without telling me! D: It was a two-day shoot (happy scenes in the beginning, casket, and wreckage one day, the rest a day later) Lost me there! I know! I was so disappointed! Maybe a shot of her in funeral black with a veil.. with her hand on a casket after this one would provide better transition?

9-2 to 15... you really used some artistic license here... and pulled stuff from bad horror movies! The "Craft" has nothing in it that uses dead sheep heads (traditional hollywood satanic symbolism) or or blood like that.I know that, but my 99% of the viewers won't. Wicca is a peaceful and loving nature worshipping religion / philosophy I know. I did a study a while back. But, these are the only books related to the sort that I could find in my entire arsenal (or family/friends' arsenals, for that matter). In the straits of drunken despair, trying to use those books in this manner might happen.. but you should have used something meant to be dark and evil, like the Necronomicon or some Alistair Crowley books (major prop error!) I wish I had.. Shots are nice though.. and l love the candle lighting. #11 is a lovely shot! Thank you.

#16 nicely done.. Thank you again.

#17... you lost me! I was thinking levitation Bingo... GF thought hanging Wrongo.... wasn't sure it if was here... or an animated floating drowned corpse coming back ! Could be? This is where having an imagination really comes into play.

#18 - needed transition shot from the bathroom to bedroom... sleeping peacefully or something, and then all HELL breaks loose! Agreed. (Where have I seen that Demon head before?) Nice photoshop work though! Thanks!

#19 this can be followed.. but really did need a transition shot also... like her being levitated at the top of the stairs with a ghostly hand around her throat as she glances heavenward...? Agreed again.

All in all? Nicely done! Thank you! You as the artist / producer knew your story line... so this made sense to you. We as viewer... had no idea of the story line and the continuance .. so we need to be guided on that path. Any abrupt breaks in the story we are building in our heads, kills it! I will definitely keep that in mind for the upcoming shoot. This one will be much more serious, and time consuming. Hopefully I won't miss any shots.

Just my opinions.... Most of the shots are awesome.... but the storyline doesn't quite go as smoothly as it should.

.

Alrighty. Thank you for all of your comments. I think that my main problem is that I didn't want too many photos to be piled up in this thread, or the ultimate book. I know having a series with 20+ photos is extremely risky around these parts. But, since you all took it so well, I won't hesitate to sacrifice conciseness for quality next time.

Thanks again,
Mark

 

[cgipson1]

I like the overall theme! and most of the photography rocks! Thank you. the story doesn't flow that well though.. and gets a little confusing! The additional picture you added between 8 & 9 helped a bit.

1 to 5 Nice shots! Very nice! Thanks again!

5-1 & 5-2.. totally change in style, color, etc.. I can see that as part of the storyline.. going from warmth (love) to cold and clinical .. but there is a transition lacking. If you had introduced the car earlier (prior to the wreck shot) and done a shot through a windshield of the two of them with really scared looks on their faces.. or even one of him driving off as she sadly waves goodbye? These shots need some work to bring them into the mood and color to match the rest a little better.... not sure just what! Maybe get a shot with the some color and tone with her talking to a cop... crying her eyes out? Hmmm..I may have to see if I can find a similar car to try this with before I print. That's a good point.

#6... looks like a different guy in the casket, where is the beard and mustache? He shaved without telling me! D: It was a two-day shoot (happy scenes in the beginning, casket, and wreckage one day, the rest a day later) Lost me there! I know! I was so disappointed! Maybe a shot of her in funeral black with a veil.. with her hand on a casket after this one would provide better transition?

9-2 to 15... you really used some artistic license here... and pulled stuff from bad horror movies! The "Craft" has nothing in it that uses dead sheep heads (traditional hollywood satanic symbolism) or or blood like that.I know that, but my 99% of the viewers won't. Wicca is a peaceful and loving nature worshipping religion / philosophy I know. I did a study a while back. But, these are the only books related to the sort that I could find in my entire arsenal (or family/friends' arsenals, for that matter). In the straits of drunken despair, trying to use those books in this manner might happen.. but you should have used something meant to be dark and evil, like the Necronomicon or some Alistair Crowley books (major prop error!) I wish I had.. Shots are nice though.. and l love the candle lighting. #11 is a lovely shot! Thank you.

#16 nicely done.. Thank you again.

#17... you lost me! I was thinking levitation Bingo... GF thought hanging Wrongo.... wasn't sure it if was here... or an animated floating drowned corpse coming back ! Could be? This is where having an imagination really comes into play.

#18 - needed transition shot from the bathroom to bedroom... sleeping peacefully or something, and then all HELL breaks loose! Agreed. (Where have I seen that Demon head before?) Nice photoshop work though! Thanks!

#19 this can be followed.. but really did need a transition shot also... like her being levitated at the top of the stairs with a ghostly hand around her throat as she glances heavenward...? Agreed again.

All in all? Nicely done! Thank you! You as the artist / producer knew your story line... so this made sense to you. We as viewer... had no idea of the story line and the continuance .. so we need to be guided on that path. Any abrupt breaks in the story we are building in our heads, kills it! I will definitely keep that in mind for the upcoming shoot. This one will be much more serious, and time consuming. Hopefully I won't miss any shots.

Just my opinions.... Most of the shots are awesome.... but the storyline doesn't quite go as smoothly as it should.

.

Alrighty. Thank you for all of your comments. I think that my main problem is that I didn't want too many photos to be piled up in this thread, or the ultimate book. I know having a series with 20+ photos is extremely risky around these parts. But, since you all took it so well, I won't hesitate to sacrifice conciseness for quality next time.

Thanks again,
Mark

have you considered asking for some viewers to check out the stuff, and the storyline... before shooting, while shooting.. etc... before publishing. Might be helpful to get some different viewpoints! Not necessarily here.. but people unrelated to the work, (regular joe, if you will).

Transition shot from love to death.. "a shot through a windshield of the two of them with really scared looks on their faces." ANY car would work for this! Maybe a picture of a deer in the road, watching the car come toward it? (yea.. I know.. hard to catch! lol!)

On the guy in the casket who shaved?? Photoshop! You have the SKILLZ!

On the Wicca stuff.. maligning a peaceful philosophy and reinforcing a negative impression of it.. is never a good idea. It will offend some people. Even Amazon has the Necronomicon available.. so there you go. Same for the Crowley stuff.... (yes.. I am Wiccan.. and hate the stereotypical "WITCH" theme!)