***pixie dust***

[CCarsonPhoto]

The WB is off in the original and in the edits, IMO. I really like your concept, and the artistry is shots are good. I would, however, prefer that the shots were not cropped so as to cut off extremeties.
Also, next time you do a shoot, and you have a wrinkled sheet in your livingroom, have your models stand about 5-9 feet away from the backdrop. This will throw the sheet out of focus, thusly eliminating the distractions.
Overall, I think you're off to a great start.

PS- another thing to try is having a light source on your background to evenly light it and reduce distracting shadows, then have lights on your models. A couple of lamps, and a DIY snoot is cheap on the wallet

 

[agompert]

The background was distracting to me (I can see the wrinkles in the fabric)

yes I agree . very distracting. And the glitter on the faces aren't as smooth or even as it should. swell concept tho

 

[agompert]

These were ~5min or so edits of what I envisioned you were going for. Not sure if you will like them or not, but they were my take on what you were trying to do. If I had the raw file I might be able to squeeze something else out of them.

the top one I like a WHOLE lot better. the bottom, I think its the level of glitter. its not evenly spread and it throws the whole picture off

 

[Big Mike]

The background is a distraction for me as well. Besides the wrinkles, I think it's just a lack of lighting. Often, if you don't do something specific for the background, it's going to look bad. That means either lighting it or blocking it from being lit. You can add color etc.

Next, the color balance & skin tones don't feel right. They don't have to be technically accurate for something like this...but they just don't look right.

You might also try adding a hair and/or accent light. It can help to make the models pop.