Girl's nose looks huge...maybe use a longer lens and back up a bit in the future for more flattering perspective. her forehead looks a bit large too; when you're that close-in, even a couple inches too high, or with the back of the camera tilted, things start to look wonky mighty fast. I agree, the first shot's too hot on the highlights. I actually like this type of a creamtone look (sort of), and use it in Lightroom with mods for a lot of my B&W portraiture. Other people seem to like it as well. I like the balance you've struck between a warm-tone look and a cold-tone B&W look...I think these subjects are wonderful for this type of light, delicate monochromatic treatment!