The Coffee House

[Gary A.]

An attractive person having sex with the opposite ... isn't that like Charity ... isn't charity good?

But to some it's not really charity. They'll want compensation later!!

... yeah, yeah ... happens to Gary all the time.

 

[benhasajeep46 44]

This conversation is really annoying at best, and is bordering on horrifying.

Sorry.

If you don't know I was implying part of Revenge of the Nerds. Not a cinematic classic. But many thought it was funny.

 

[limr30 3]

This conversation is really annoying at best, and is bordering on horrifying.

Sorry.

If you don't know I was implying part of Revenge of the Nerds. Not a cinematic classic. But many thought it was funny.

No, I got the reference, and I also saw the sarcasm dripping from your posts

What's horrifying is the fact that there are plenty of people who would be saying these things seriously.

ETA: Just to be clear, I understand that this conversation involves a lot of joking around. It just also involves a lot of ideas that I have also heard from people who were not joking around, and that's the part that makes me a bit twitchy.

And yes, for the record, when women have conversations like this about men, they annoy me as well.

 

[smoke665]

This might be the video clip that launched my voice fanclub among a small subset of brilliant, witty, and amazing TPF members...

And your modest to boot!!! LOL

 

[smoke665]

@limr I may have started us down the road, but I actually posed a serious question regarding male/female attraction. Given the current state of affairs, I consider the fact that I've been happily married for 38 years a good thing, because I'm not sure I could survive in the single world of today. I'd be so terrified of doing something or saying something inappropriate that I would likely become a hermit on a mountain top somewhere. It's nice to know that there are at least some asexual characteristics that are still attractive in today's world.

 

[limr30 3]

@limr I may have started us down the road, but I actually posed a serious question regarding male/female attraction. Given the current state of affairs, I consider the fact that I've been happily married for 38 years a good thing, because I'm not sure I could survive in the single world of today. I'd be so terrified of doing something or saying something inappropriate that I would likely become a hermit on a mountain top somewhere. It's nice to know that there are at least some asexual characteristics that are still attractive in today's world.

Yes, and I answered your question seriously because I thought it was a thoughtful question.

I don't think it's the "dating scene" that is more difficult or that people are more sensitive to things. There are just more people speaking out these days.

And the main issues aren't about someone who says something, offends another person, and then apologizes. If an inadvertent comment sparks a conversation and helps people get to know each other better, that's a good thing, right? The problem is with those who persist in bad behavior and tries to shut down anyone who calls out the behavior.

Just take, for example, the resistance to being told to smile. Men say that they are just trying to be nice, and I do believe that most men believe this. They think that women are so sensitive now they can't even ask for a smile.

Men see this from the perspective of the few times they have said this to a woman. Women, however, view this from the perspective of being constantly told that they should be smiling, that men feel they are entitled to tell us what to do because we are apparently pretty objects to be looked at and not much else. Most men experience their side of a seemingly innocent interaction only once in a while. Women are on the other side of it All.The.Time.

It's like your name is John Smith and you are sick and tired of people making a joke about how it's not your real name, because it might be the only time they have made that joke, but it's the 1,568th time that John Smith had heard the joke and it's not even close to being funny anymore.

And the more innocent interactions are only part of the story. What happens if we don't smile? Have you ever been chased down a street or called a ***** because some random stranger wanted you to smile and you didn't? I have. Men don't like to believe this happens, but it does. A lot.

 

[Gary A.]

This conversation is really annoying at best, and is bordering on horrifying.

Sorry.

If you don't know I was implying part of Revenge of the Nerds. Not a cinematic classic. But many thought it was funny.

No, I got the reference, and I also saw the sarcasm dripping from your posts

What's horrifying is the fact that there are plenty of people who would be saying these things seriously.

ETA: Just to be clear, I understand that this conversation involves a lot of joking around. It just also involves a lot of ideas that I have also heard from people who were not joking around, and that's the part that makes me a bit twitchy.

And yes, for the record, when women have conversations like this about men, they annoy me as well.

As well as you judge all equally ... (random emoji ... Gary figures some emoji was necessary to punctuate his remark ... just didn't quite know which one ... so he closed his eyes and clicked.)

 

[Gary A.]

@limr I may have started us down the road, but I actually posed a serious question regarding male/female attraction. Given the current state of affairs, I consider the fact that I've been happily married for 38 years a good thing, because I'm not sure I could survive in the single world of today. I'd be so terrified of doing something or saying something inappropriate that I would likely become a hermit on a mountain top somewhere. It's nice to know that there are at least some asexual characteristics that are still attractive in today's world.

Yes, and I answered your question seriously because I thought it was a thoughtful question.

I don't think it's the "dating scene" that is more difficult or that people are more sensitive to things. There are just more people speaking out these days.

And the main issues aren't about someone who says something, offends another person, and then apologizes. If an inadvertent comment sparks a conversation and helps people get to know each other better, that's a good thing, right? The problem is with those who persist in bad behavior and tries to shut down anyone who calls out the behavior.

Just take, for example, the resistance to being told to smile. Men say that they are just trying to be nice, and I do believe that most men believe this. They think that women are so sensitive now they can't even ask for a smile.

Men see this from the perspective of the few times they have said this to a woman. Women, however, view this from the perspective of being constantly told that they should be smiling, that men feel they are entitled to tell us what to do because we are apparently pretty objects to be looked at and not much else. Most men experience their side of a seemingly innocent interaction only once in a while. Women are on the other side of it All.The.Time.

It's like your name is John Smith and you are sick and tired of people making a joke about how it's not your real name, because it might be the only time they have made that joke, but it's the 1,568th time that John Smith had heard the joke and it's not even close to being funny anymore.

And the more innocent interactions are only part of the story. What happens if we don't smile? Have you ever been chased down a street or called a ***** because some random stranger wanted you to smile and you didn't? I have. Men don't like to believe this happens, but it does. A lot.

Speaking for 'hisself', Gary is a man and Gary never asked a potential date / someone who he wanted to know better / get acquainted ... "to smile". Gary has never been with male jockular friends that he has overheard them asking a female to 'smile'. Gary think that act to be quite insulting asking a women to perform something even 'mildly intimate' as to smile. For Gary, a smile is a reward, currency and needs to be earned.

Unless you're toting a camera ...

 

[limr30 3]

@limr I may have started us down the road, but I actually posed a serious question regarding male/female attraction. Given the current state of affairs, I consider the fact that I've been happily married for 38 years a good thing, because I'm not sure I could survive in the single world of today. I'd be so terrified of doing something or saying something inappropriate that I would likely become a hermit on a mountain top somewhere. It's nice to know that there are at least some asexual characteristics that are still attractive in today's world.

Yes, and I answered your question seriously because I thought it was a thoughtful question.

I don't think it's the "dating scene" that is more difficult or that people are more sensitive to things. There are just more people speaking out these days.

And the main issues aren't about someone who says something, offends another person, and then apologizes. If an inadvertent comment sparks a conversation and helps people get to know each other better, that's a good thing, right? The problem is with those who persist in bad behavior and tries to shut down anyone who calls out the behavior.

Just take, for example, the resistance to being told to smile. Men say that they are just trying to be nice, and I do believe that most men believe this. They think that women are so sensitive now they can't even ask for a smile.

Men see this from the perspective of the few times they have said this to a woman. Women, however, view this from the perspective of being constantly told that they should be smiling, that men feel they are entitled to tell us what to do because we are apparently pretty objects to be looked at and not much else. Most men experience their side of a seemingly innocent interaction only once in a while. Women are on the other side of it All.The.Time.

It's like your name is John Smith and you are sick and tired of people making a joke about how it's not your real name, because it might be the only time they have made that joke, but it's the 1,568th time that John Smith had heard the joke and it's not even close to being funny anymore.

And the more innocent interactions are only part of the story. What happens if we don't smile? Have you ever been chased down a street or called a ***** because some random stranger wanted you to smile and you didn't? I have. Men don't like to believe this happens, but it does. A lot.

Speaking for 'hisself', Gary is a man and Gary never asked a potential date / someone who he wanted to know better / get acquainted ... "to smile". Gary has never been with male jockular friends that he has overheard them asking a female to 'smile'. Gary think that act to be quite insulting asking a women to perform something even 'mildly intimate' as to smile. For Gary, a smile is a reward, currency and needs to be earned.

Unless you're toting a camera ...

See, this is what I mean. There are a lot of men who have never done this, or only a couple of times in their whole lives, and so it feels reasonable to think that other men have similar thoughts or behaviors. Then it seems as if women are angry about this "all of a sudden." They don't realize that their experiences could be so different from what women experience all the time, and that more men engage in this behavior than they realize.

"But women used to be okay with this" they think. No, we weren't. We were either too exhausted or too afraid to fight. It's either "It takes less energy right now to just give a quick smile so I'll do it so he'll go away" or "Will this one become violent if I say no? It might be safer if I just give in."

 

[JonA_CT]

View attachment 149737we are losing and it’s cold

What is opposite of a win-win ...

For sure. I have a whole lot of appreciation for my parents from my playing days in high school though. We played in the state championship my junior and senior years, and the games were in the second week of December. Both years, it was bitterly cold during the semis and the finals. As a player, you don't notice much...I was too busy filling gaps and chasing quarterbacks to feel the cold. After last night, I get how cold my parents must have been while watching those games.

 

[smoke665]

Just take, for example, the resistance to being told to smile. M

I CONFESS!!! I've told women AND men to smile, not as an insensitive remark. Nothing irritates me more than to get a person (who is supposed to be working as a customer service representative) and looks like they're p***** off at the world. In the case of talking with a friend male or female who was depressed over something I may have used the word smile, but other than that I don't.

 

[limr30 3]

Just take, for example, the resistance to being told to smile. M

I CONFESS!!! I've told women AND men to smile, not as an insensitive remark. Nothing irritates me more than to get a person (who is supposed to be working as a customer service representative) and looks like they're p***** off at the world. In the case of talking with a friend male or female who was depressed over something I may have used the word smile, but other than that I don't.

And I give you credit for saying it to men as well as women. If the motive is to make someone's mood better, it should apply to both genders. It's also a different thing when you're trying to cheer up someone you actually know.

 

[Gary A.]

View attachment 149737we are losing and it’s cold

What is opposite of a win-win ...

For sure. I have a whole lot of appreciation for my parents from my playing days in high school though. We played in the state championship my junior and senior years, and the games were in the second week of December. Both years, it was bitterly cold during the semis and the finals. As a player, you don't notice much...I was too busy filling gaps and chasing quarterbacks to feel the cold. After last night, I get how cold my parents must have been while watching those games.

One year, Gary's high school played Rim of the World High School, located at Lake Arrowhead, cuddled by the 10,000' high San Bernardino Mountains. Snow ... snow, snow ... a few members of the team had never seen snow, even though snow was only 30 minutes away from our little valley in the San Gabriel Mountains. In the first half we were throwing snowballs in the huddle, stuffing snow in the helmet's earholes, seeing how far we could slide on our bellies after receiving a pass, et cetera. At halftime, coach was all heated up. We cooled it on the hijinks and in the second half settled down to playing football and freezing our flatlander butts off. (A frozen ball slapping hard against frozen hands hurts like the ... dickens.)

 

[benhasajeep46 44]

View attachment 149737we are losing and it’s cold

What is opposite of a win-win ...

For sure. I have a whole lot of appreciation for my parents from my playing days in high school though. We played in the state championship my junior and senior years, and the games were in the second week of December. Both years, it was bitterly cold during the semis and the finals. As a player, you don't notice much...I was too busy filling gaps and chasing quarterbacks to feel the cold. After last night, I get how cold my parents must have been while watching those games.

One year, Gary's high school played Rim of the World High School, located at Lake Arrowhead, cuddled by the 10,000' high San Bernardino Mountains. Snow ... snow, snow ... a few members of the team had never seen snow, even though snow was only 30 minutes away from our little valley in the San Gabriel Mountains. In the first half we were throwing snowballs in the huddle, stuffing snow in the helmet's earholes, seeing how far we could slide on our bellies after receiving a pass, et cetera. At halftime, coach was all heated up. We cooled it on the hijinks and in the second half settled down to playing football and freezing our flatlander butts off. (A frozen ball slapping hard against frozen hands hurts like the ... dickens.)

Even worse when your not on the first team. And spend 2/3 of the game on the bench. Have to jump up and down just to see if your legs are still there! Then in the dead of winter, we would go play hockey out there. On Purpose!!

 

[Frank F.]

worked for an artist today:

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