The difference between scientific area


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A theoretical Physicist, an experimental Physicist, and a mathematician are all locked in separate rooms for a week with only 1 can of soup and are told that if they want to eat they must find a way to open the can. After 1 week the rooms were opened:
The experimental Physicist's room had multiple dents in the walls, with a few soup stains, showing how he had thrown his can against the wall until he figured out the exact angle needed to open the can. He then threw the can at the wall at that angle, opened the can, and ate the soup.
The theoretical Physicist's room was covered in equations and 1 dent in the wall, showing he calculated the exact angle needed to open the can, threw the can at the wall at that angle, opened the can, and ate the soup.
The mathematician was found in his room seated on the floor with the unopened can repeating, "I define this can to be open!"

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
The Biologist: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."

And my personal favorite:

A mathematician was interviewing for a job. The interviewer asks him - "You are walking towards your office and running late for a very important meeting and you glimpse a building on fire with people screaming for help. What will you do?". The mathematician thinks for a while and replies : "People's lives are more important than an office meeting. I would immediately call for a fire brigade and help the trapped to the best of my abilities".

The interviewer seems to be impressed with the mathematician's answer and moves on to the last question. Just to check his sanity, she asks: "And what if the building is not on fire?". After a moment of thought, the mathematician replies with confidence :
"I will set the building on fire. Now, I have reduced it to a problem that I have already solved before!"
I'd take a can opener with me into a closed (dark)room. Eat the soup then pop open some film canisters.

Good ones Lew!
A farmer wanted to find a way to improve production from his dairy cattle. A psychologist, an engineer and a physicist answered his ad,

The psychologist went through the barn and the field, taking notes, and afterward, recommended the planting of trees and flowers to increase environmental diversity and decrease boredom while grazing, and painting the inside of the barn an avocado green would help put the cows in a positive and more productive mood which would increase milk flow.

The engineer made some measurements around the barn and suggested the stalls be decreased to 275 cubic feet per cow to improve efficiency and the diameter of the milking tubed be increased 4%.

Finally, the physicist asked for a blackboard and chalk. Once the farmer brought him the items, he draws a circle and explains: "imagine the cow is a sphere . . ."
A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume. The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, which makes the engineer a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
During the Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, a nobleman, a clergyman of the court and the King's engineer were to be guillotined.

The politician was brought up first and, when he was put onto the cradle of the guillotine, insisted on being placed face upward. He declared that he was proud and not a coward and would gladly face the death that his nobility had brought upon him. The executioner lifted the blade to the top, the lever was tripped and the blad felle.... only to stop with the edge just above the nobleman's neck. He was shaken but his courage was undaunted; he was reprieved and sent back into the cells and the blade lifted for the next prisoner.

This time, it was the clergyman. He too wanted to lie on the cradle face up, saying he lived and would die in the sunshine of his god. The blade came down and, amazingly, stopped again just above his neck. He was released, still praying, back to the cells.

Finally the engineer was brought up and the executioner's helper just slung him on the cradle face up to save time. There was a drum roll which was stopped by a loud cry from the engineer. "Wait, I see what's wrong. There's a nail sticking out in the track."
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A statistician's wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. "Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister. "No," replied the statistician. "Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."

I'm sure everyone has heard of this one:

A mathematician, a physicist and a statistician went hunting for deer. When they chanced upon one buck lounging about, the mathematician fired first, missing the buck's nose by a few inches. The physicist then tried his hand, and missed the tail by a wee bit. The statistician started jumping up and down saying "We got him! We got him!"
Gonna change it up a bit . . . How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None - that's a hardware problem.
How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? One. Why does it have to be a group activity?
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
OK, this is not a joke about the difference between technology areas, but it is in the general spirit.

A student pulls up to a supermarket check-out line in Cambridge, MA. There is a large sign that reads: "10 items or fewer." The student has a thoroughly loaded-up cart. The bored cashier just shakes her head and says: "Either you're from Harvard and can't count or from MIT and can't read."

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