Hi,
I'm not sure I'd agree that the picture represents the marriage, but I would agree with the overall feeling that it's not working. In particular the image is too dark.
You should see shooting wedding rings as akin to product photography and the methods used should be the same. I work with a very small aperture when shooting wedding rings, this way they are completely in focus as I don't see a benefit it having them half in focus but that's a personal thing. It does mean using a tripod and a macro lens however, or at least a lens with a macro function, to get the very best photograph.
I'd agree that the pillow should be white, I usually suggest the photographer brings a large white card with them to place under the rings (actually I normally tell the bride to bring the rings to my studio a few days before to shoot them properly). Obviously you don't have to do this but it makes for a crisp image and you're not left to rely on what is available there.
Steve