Would this bother you?

[voodoocat]

When I was younger, my mom would smack the s*** out of my brother and I, and you know what? We deserved it. Raise your own children and let other people discipline theirs. You can't tell in a brief encounter everything that kid has done and what works to make sure he behaves. Sorry, no offense. I just don't like it when people tell others how to raise their children.

Nobody is telling anyone how to raise their children. You really should read the whole thread first because it doesn't seem like you did.

 

[Alison]

Would it bother me? Yes, probably. However, like Nagala I try to steer clear of offering my opinions to others on how to raise their children. Having 2 of my own I know all to well how it feels to be in a store, doing somthing you HAVE to do with kids that are just at the end of their rope as well. What I try to do in situations like that is diffuse the parent. Either offer a kind smile and say "I understand, I have 2 of my own" or, this is even better, distract the child. Smile, make a funny face somehow divert their attention to diffuse the situation.

I have to say that the way I approached these situations changed dramatically once having children. When I would see a parent who was upset dragging a child who was crying through a store PRE children I would shake my head and think, can't they just leave and do this later. Once having children I realize it isn't always possible. Sure, if I'm in a store and I don't really NEED what I am getting I will leave and have done so on several occasions. But, sometimes you need milk, or some other essential item and you just can't leave.

I don't hit my children. I used to spank occasionally but no longer do for many reasons. What I don't isn't right for everyone. Each parent child team is different and I have no right to judge or comment. However, the situation described above would have bothered me, but not knowing all the facts I really can't comment on what I would have done.

 

[Corry]

I understand what you are saying, Alison. I don't have children of my own yet, so maybe I can't ~quite~ understand your entire view. I also do not have any problem with a spank on the butt now and then WHEN NEEDED, and children need discipline. But smacking a child on the bare skin, I don't think that is needed. Why would you want to put your child in pain?

 

[Alison]

I understand what you are saying, Alison. I don't have children of my own yet, so maybe I can't ~quite~ understand your entire view. I also do not have any problem with a spank on the butt now and then WHEN NEEDED, and children need discipline. But smacking a child on the bare skin, I don't think that is needed. Why would you want to put your child in pain?

I guess what I was trying to say, and perhaps not very well in my tired state, was that sometimes as a parent you make a mistake. Yes, parents should be able to put their children first and not react harshly but sometimes it does happen. I consider myself to be a good mother, I love my children. That doesn't mean I haven't ever made a mistake and raised my voice or snapped at them for something that wasn't a big deal. I think the important thing is to learn from your mistakes, to work hard at bettering yourself as a parent. It's easy to say how you think you would react as a parent, but being in the situation is different.

 

[Corry]

I understand all your points. Yes, everyone is allowed to make mistakes, as long as it's not taken TOO far. Maybe I'm so sensitive to this stuff because I've been surrounded by it my entire life. I grew up with parents that would smack me and my brother, too. My moms ex was abusive to her, and she in turn was abusive to us. I won't say it was the worst thing in the entire world. Lots of children had it worse. But when you've had a baby gate thrown at you by your own mother, (I was about 12 then)it can make you a little sensitive to these things.

. It's easy to say how you think you would react as a parent, but being in the situation is different.

I agree with you on that one. I was just talking with a friend yesterday about that exact subject. The discussion actually stemmed from this situation, too. We both know exactly how we want to handle certain situations, but we both understand that we will not truly know how we handle them til we HAVE kids. But I'm still not gonna smack my kids' bare skin!!

 

[photong]

I was working in a studio and a Mom was getting pissed because her son (he was just a couple years old) acts like the alpha male of the house (trust me you can tell he runs the show. I couldn't even get him to cooperate.) and he was doing it here in the studio. So I just photographed his uncles (two young boys). He was getting very bad and then she just starts smakking the kid, I'm pretty sure on the butt because I wasn't looking. I was pretending to fiddle with the camera. Poor kid. But he was being an idiot. But he's a kid. Get him some help not a smack.

It would bother me and it does. Like seriously, what are you supposed to do!? I don't think there's anything else except bite the tounge and ignore it. Because if you don't do that you'll cause a scene and get fired

Lots of children had it worse

I agree. And some people turn out the same way as they were treated. And that's not good. I think no matter how bad it is, it shouldn't happen at all. Some people turn out really bad because of these things I can tell the kid above in my story will be a pain in the bum his whole life.

 

[Corry]

Lots of children had it worse

I agree. And some people turn out the same way as they were treated. And that's not good. I think no matter how bad it is, it shouldn't happen at all. Some people turn out really bad because of these things I can tell the kid above in my story will be a pain in the bum his whole life.

Exactly. I was lucky, cuz I had some really good people in my life. Every other weekend I when we have visitation with our dad, he would take us to our cousins farm (he was a long haul trucker and didn't have an actual home at the time). My cousins wife, Ana, is probably the best person I know. When we were down at the farm, everything was perfect, and I had a great role model. I actually work with Ana now, at a domestic violence shelter working with children. To this day, that farm, and those people (Ana, my cousin, thier daughter, and aaaall the wonderful people the I met through them) have healing powers to me. If I'm feeling emotionally drained, at the end of my rope...I just go down there for a day or two. It rejuvinates me...breathes life into me...it's my oasis. I wish all the kids I deal with at the Domestic Violence shelter could have a place just like that.

 

[Nagala]

I'm not saying smacking a child is right. But I'd rather a parent smack one in the right situation than have him/her grow up with no discipline at all. THAT I see more often lately and makes me more upset. Hell, I've heard stories about kids being taken away by the department of children services for spanking them in public.

 

[ferny]

I'm not going to get into this whole smacking is right or wrong debate. I've done that before and learnt that no-one changes their mind, people get angry and even more (on both sides of the argument) don't know what a smack actually is.

So onto core's post. Yeah, I'd have been shocked. It does sound like someone hit the child hard. But, could it have sounded worse than it really was? And could it have been on the arm instead of the face? I guess you're the only one here who could possibly know as you could see the after effects. But I'd still be shocked if I heard a loud smacking noise.

 

[Karalee]

I personally, see nothing wrong with getting a spanking if its a thing of discipline. When a parents anger gets the better of them, and they start to lay into the child instead of venting their own fustrations, without taking it out on your child, then theres definately a problem.

As a child I got the crap beat out of me tons, in all honesty, about 10% of the time I deserved it for being disobedient, the rest was because my father had weird anger issues, but I can forgive him for it. As a child though, when your treated that way, you never forget.

I really dont believe that all kids should be raised the same way though, its a tough thing when you become a parent, children do not come with instruction booklets, so some people pick it up faster than others.

Im not a mother, but if by the grace of god your lucky enough to bring life into this world, most of the time people are going to do everything they can to protect their little babies, and well, everyone has their bad days, including children and their parents.

I guess what Im trying to say is that until youve walked in someone elses shoes, you dont really know how they live.

 

[John E.]

In a perfect world with perfect parents and kids no one would get smacked.

Reality is: I doubt there are very many parents that want to hit their children. Kids have a way of really rattling a parents nerves and they really know how to push it to the limit. I know i did.
Part of the learning process is too push beyond those limits and see what one can get away with. Stores are particuliar hard to dicipline a child and some children know that. It's too bad not everyone would be creative enough to think of alternative ways of diciplining a child in a store.....but when push comes to shove and a line has to be drawn many parents opt for the smack.

It's really hard to be a bystander and see or hear such a thing, but I would not judge the parents to harshly on little information.

 

[MDowdey]

ok, ill weigh in here as well...

growing up...i got a belt. this wasnt your ordinary belt, this was leather, thick leather with a huge metal buckle. and you know what? i deserved it too....but!! that being said, i will never ever lay a hand on my kids, ever. there are other ways to get your point across.


md

 

[Nagala]

My best friend (who is 26 now) told me a funny story a while back that I just now thought of. He said that one time, he and his brother were acting bad in the car with his parents in the front seat. I forgot the details, but he said his dad apparently had had enough and pulled the car over, pulled his pants down, "and whooped my bare ass in front of all the passing cars." He said he doesn't know what was more embarrassing, getting spanked or having it done on the shoulder of the road bare-assed. He said after that day, he never pissed his dad off in the car. lol
Kind of the same for me. After getting beaten senselessly with a belt a few times, my father could just start to reach for his belt and I'd jump into military discipline mode. It wasn't long to where he didn't have to even reach for it, he could just give me "that look." Sure, I'd misbehave again. I was a child and that's what children do. The difference is that I learned that if I did something I wasn't supposed to do, there was a consequence, albeit a leathery, buckled one.
When I have children, I'm going to do everything I can to raise them to make the right decisions without having to spank them. But if they're not responding to other means, you can bet money they're going to learn the same way I did. It doesn't emotionally scar a child to get spanked when they deserve it.
(None of the above applies to abuse. There is a line and it is not a thin one.)

 

[Karalee]

there are other ways to get your point across.


md

Speaking of, when my dad realised he was hitting me for ridiculous reasons, he started making me stand with my nose against the wall on one foot. It still works the same as smacking a child.

 

[MDowdey]

there are other ways to get your point across.


md

Speaking of, when my dad realised he was hitting me for ridiculous reasons, he started making me stand with my nose against the wall on one foot. It still works the same as smacking a child.

and you came out fine and well adjusted!!! well..... :twisted:

md