Attention UK people!

Rob · Jan 31, 2006

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM "UP NORTH" WHEN... [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] the mosquitoes have landing lights [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you have more miles on your snowblower than your car [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you have 10 favorite recipes for venison [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you think everyone from the city has an accent [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] your snowblower gets stuck on the roof [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you head south to go to your cottage [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you know which leaves make good toilet paper [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] the mayor greets you on the street by your first name [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] there is only one shopping plaza in town [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] the major parish fundraiser isn't bingo - its sausage making [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you find -20F a little chilly[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you can play road hockey on skates [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.[/FONT]

Hertz van Rental · Jan 31, 2006

You know you're a Northerner if:
You wear a belt and braces.
You tuck your shirt into your underpants.
You own a whippet.
You keep coal in the bath.
You know lots of recipes for tripe and trotters - all of them involving boiling.
Apart from tripe and trotters everything is fried in batter.
You believe Harry Ramsden was the fourteenth disciple.

Trust a Southerner to get it wrong. He can probably afford to put yesterday's paper on the table.

JonK · Jan 31, 2006

this is gettin good

Rob · Jan 31, 2006

What's the definition of a northern virgin?

Any girl under the age of 16 that can run faster than her brother.

Rob · Jan 31, 2006

Three Americans and three scousers are travelling by train. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three scousers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch" answers a scouser.

They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three scousers cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Americans decide to copy the scousers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the scousers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch" says a scouser.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three scousers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the scousers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".

Oldfireguy · Jan 31, 2006

:thumbup:

Matty-Bass · Jan 31, 2006

hehe, sweet :lmao::lmao:

kelox · Jan 31, 2006

I'm coming to the Manchester meetup, YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh wait, I'm in the U.S. that's right. Tell me how it was then.

P.S. Manchester United RULES!
When you walk, in the dark...

Hertz van Rental · Feb 1, 2006

kelox said:
P.S. Manchester United RULES!
When you walk, in the dark...

The song you quote is 'You'll never walk alone' which since the 60's has been the song of Liverpool FC. If Man United Plc are using it, it's breach of copyright and sacrilege seeing as how Man U are a London team :lmao:

PS My father was born two streets away from Anfield.

Rob · Feb 1, 2006

How many Man U fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change the bulb and his mate to drive him there from London.

kelox · Feb 1, 2006

Hertz van Rental said:
The song you quote is 'You'll never walk alone' which since the 60's has been the song of Liverpool FC. If Man United Plc are using it, it's breach of copyright and sacrilege seeing as how Man U are a London team :lmao:

PS My father was born two streets away from Anfield.

That's ok. Liverpool, Manchester, it's all the same. I don't really follow soccer anyway, I just wanted to fit in.:er:

Xmetal · Feb 1, 2006

What's the deal Rob? You ask all the Northern Monkeys to come out to Manchester for a meet-up then you get on here and bag them out with corny jokes!

Southern Fairies! :lol:

Arch · Feb 1, 2006

i'm half northern, half southern - does that mean i'd buy a train ticket or not?...either way i wouldn't have a problem steeling it from an american.

Rob · Feb 1, 2006

Xmetal said:
What's the deal Rob? You ask all the Northern Monkeys to come out to Manchester for a meet-up then you get on here and bag them out with corny jokes!

Southern Fairies!

Is that some kind of northern thing that involves a ferret? :lol: