Double entendres

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Darfion, Apr 8, 2004.

  1. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    Here's some of my favourites:


    Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

    Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

    Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

    Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

    'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

    Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

    Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

    James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

    Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

    The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

    A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

    US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

    Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

    Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

    Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

    Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
     
  2. aggiezach

    aggiezach Yup...

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    LOL Thats great! :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  3. markc

    markc TPF Noob!

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    Oh god! I'm dying here!
    I can just picture the chaos of that weather report one. Oh my...
     
  4. Not Neve

    Not Neve TPF Noob!

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    Those are hillarious!

    Darn, have I told you how much I like your current avatar? It's perfect for posts like this!
     
  5. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    :smileys: :smileys: :smileys: :lmao: :LOL: :lmao: :LOL: :lmao:

    Good ones!!
     
  6. MDowdey

    MDowdey Guest

    thats funny stuff!!


    md
     
  7. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Thank you so much Darren!
    I confess the weather reporter was my favorite too, I have this mental picture of everyone in the studio laying around holding their sides laughing and the young lady collapsing in embarrassment while laughing as well.
     
  8. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    One for you Darren:

    From the music world of Symphony Orchestras, a funny fact that happened to a former colleague turned conductor (and man, we hate them all... :D ):

    During a Pops concert somewhere in the Midwest US, he was conducting a Mozart Symphony and before starting it he wanted to turn to the audience and say:

    "If you feel you must, you can clap between the movements!"

    What came out:

    "If you feel you must, you can crap between the movements!" :shock:


    Imagine the state all musicians were in during that performance!

    :D
     
  9. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    There was another weather girl a few years ago that made a blunder. In the days of magnetic symbols used for the report she tried to put up the word FOG in the NE of the UK. Unfortunately, the letter "F" kept falling off but she carried on regardless.
    When she finished the weather report, she calmly said to the watching nation " have a good weekend and i'm sorry about the 'F' in fog. I slid off my chair in tears of laughter.
     

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