From the US courts.

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Mitica100, Jun 12, 2005.

  1. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2003
    Messages:
    9,746
    Likes Received:
    42
    Location:
    Ahwatukee, AZ
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, by Charles Sevilla, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ______________________________

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-oneĀ…
    ________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh....
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?


    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    AT! TORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


    =========================================

    I'm sure many of you have heard or read these before but I thought they need another run. :lol:
     
  2. Corry

    Corry Flirtacious and Bodacious Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Messages:
    21,169
    Likes Received:
    109
    Location:
    North Central Illinois
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    These are my favorite!

     
  3. Andrea K

    Andrea K TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    2,025
    Likes Received:
    28
    Location:
    Philadelphia/North Carolina
    :biglaugh: those were great thanks!
     
  4. Armstror

    Armstror TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Wow those are great! Where did you find a book like that?
     
  5. David A Sercel

    David A Sercel TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    357
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florence, Alabama
    LOL, those are good.
     

Share This Page