Just Need to Share My Sadness Today

[sm4him]

Yesterday, a dear, dear friend drowned at a local lake, as his wife (also a very dear friend) stood on the shore, helpless to do anything but watch.
I'm just in shock and having trouble processing the fact that this man is gone, so suddenly and so horribly tragically.

He loved to fish. Usually he went alone, and his wife worried every time he was gone, about something happening. So much so, that he always texted her before he put the boat in the water and again as soon as he took the boat back out of the water. Ironic then, that she was with him on this day.

He was just putting the boat into the water, just a small fishing boat, nothing big and fancy. As it came off the trailer, it got away from him and drifted a few feet. He moved to retrieve it, and evidently slipped. He went underwater and never resurfaced. We don't know what happened under the water--whether maybe the boat hit him and knocked him out (seems unlikely, since he still would have floated to the top??), or if maybe he got entangled in something and couldn't get free. But when they did recover the body, he was not still held down by anything, so we just don't really know what happened.

He was a middle-school science teacher (although somehow he did not get either of my kids. I think he is the ONLY one of my many teacher friends that didn't end up having at least one of my kids in a class), semi-retired (he retired completely three years ago, but kept letting himself get talked into long-term subbing jobs!). He was a fellow church member, a fellow choir member, one of those people who just always helped everyone because it's who he was, always friendly and smiling. He was an INCREDIBLE cook, and often went on our youth mission trips to cook for them, even though he hadn't had kids IN youth in many years. He was a dad of 3 grown children, a grandfather of, I think, 8, a husband adored by his wife. And he was a very special friend. When my boys were younger, it was often Jim who volunteered to take them with him on our church's annual Man/Boy camping trip.

Last Thanksgiving, the family had asked me to take portraits of them, since it was the first time in years that they had all been together. I balked and tried to get out of it. I explained that I don't "DO" portraits, that they needed someone more qualified. But in the end, I let them talk me into doing it, because love makes us do crazy things.
I'm so glad I did! I don't think they would EVER have hired a true professional, and the opportunity for those pictures would have been lost forever.

These are not great, not even that good. But they were glad to have them, and now I am thankful that I had the opportunity to take them.


Jim and his wife in the middle, with two of their "kids" on either side.


The whole family, at the time, with the exception of one daughter. The family has since added two more members, one grandson and one adopted granddaughter.

Never, ever miss a chance to tell people you love them! I saw Jim for the last time just the day before. I didn't SAY "I love you" but I hope I at least showed it.

 

[Derrel]

What a touching tribute you wrote, Sharon. I'm glad you did make those photos for them. The world would be a better place if we had a few hundred million more people like you in it.

 

[ronlane]

Sorry for you loss Sharon.

 

[oldhippy]

Sorry that this is such a hurt for you. Ed

 

[pixmedic]

even though I am a critical incident stress manager for work, I am not all that great with words. thankfully, I have friends that always seem to know just the right things to say in times like this.

My friend John once said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

I do know its ok to feel bad about such things...My buddy Matthew said "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted".

You will surely find no lack of people to comfort you, as you comfort your friend.

 

[JustJazzie]

I am so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking to read things like this. Please accept my sincere condolence.

 

[lambertpix]

Wow... so sorry for your loss. What a powerless feeling.....

 

[Jacaranda_wifey]

I'm so sorry for your loss Sharon. Life can be so unfair and times like this that is brought home even more so. I am sure it is a blessing to the family to have the portraits you did for them and that these will be memories shared and treasured for years to come. My heart is with you!

 

[Designer]

She said it better than I could have. Ditto.

 

[sm4him]

Thanks, all. I truly appreciate the kind words. It's kinda nice to "share" this with people who didn't know him--most of my friends are also in shock, and we have trouble talking about it without getting choked up.
Honestly, when my choir director called me yesterday and told me, I said nothing for a long time…because I was trying to figure out how you could possibly use the word "drowned" to NOT mean a person was dead. I was absolutely certain that this was either some use of the word that I wasn't understanding correctly, or that he'd just used the wrong word. It was also the first time I've ever heard my choir director cry, and he's had to convey some pretty horrible news from time to time.

even though I am a critical incident stress manager for work, I am not all that great with words. thankfully, I have friends that always seem to know just the right things to say in times like this.

My friend John once said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

I do know its ok to feel bad about such things...My buddy Matthew said "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted".

You will surely find no lack of people to comfort you, as you comfort your friend.

I think we must have some of the same friends. ;-)
I am thankful that, as another mutual friend said, "we do not grieve as those who have no hope."
As sad as I am about the fact that this incredible man isn't with us anymore, I can't really be sad FOR him; his adventure is just beginning!
We will move through, as people always do with these things. And this is a strong, loving supportive family. They will be there to strengthen each other.

But, what I am REALLY having trouble processing is how my sweet, sweet friend is going to EVER move on and get this image out of her head, of standing there on the shore, while her husband drowned.
I've been held up at gunpoint, and I've been involved in a fairly horrible, tragic accident myself (many years ago), and I know how long it takes before you finally stop reliving that, over and over again, not even escaping it during sleep, since your dreams tend to just replay the event.
And for me, neither of those events involved the loss of a loved one, particularly a spouse.
(Of course, in reality, I DO know how she is going to ever move on…but my heart aches for the fact that she is going to have to go through the process of it all)

 

[tirediron]

My sympathies Sharon, to the family, you, and all involved.

 

[alv]

sorry for your loss, may good thoughts of the friend stay with you

 

[Ec1981]

My sympathies for you and your family, peace, love, comfort to all of you

 

[chanda95]

So sorry for your loss. This story is incredibly heartbreaking. Your pictures of the family will be treasured always and I am glad that you were able to do that for them.

 

[pgriz]

My condolences to you, Sharon, to your friend, and to her family. It is truly heart-wrenching to be present at the death of your loved partner. If there's anything positive to be said at all, is that it was over quickly. He's obviously touched a great many people - and that is, in so many ways, a true measure of a man.