More points to ponder

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Walt, Jan 5, 2005.

  1. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

    Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

    What is the speed of darkness?

    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

    If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

    If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

    Do you cry under water?

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
     
  2. Hertz van Rental

    Hertz van Rental TPF Noob!

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    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
    - because electricity is just like toothpaste (only it isn't mint flavoured)

    Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
    - they don't want you to feel you are being treated any differently to people with money.

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
    - because you don't lean against stars.

    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
    - magic.

    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
    - because they don't want to be the subject of a malpractice suit.

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
    - his monkey shaves him.

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
    - force of habit.

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
    - they don't want to injure their heads.

    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
    - if it didn't have an 's' it would be 'lip' and everyone has those!

    What is the speed of darkness?
    - darkness is the opposite of light so it's speed must be: -186,000 miles /second

    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
    - yes but they are way over the other side of the car park.

    If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
    - wrapped in tinfoil.

    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
    - freezing.

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
    - some apes, like estate agents, chose not to.

    If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
    - to help themselves.

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
    - happy times always seem to pass much quicker than unhappy times.

    If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
    - that depends on wether they are in two minds about it.

    Do you cry under water?
    - if you were cold, wet and having dificulty breathing you would cry too. Do you ever see fish laughing?

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
    - people are only assassinated if they are shot.

    If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
    - because money is the root of all evil.

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
    - because having square pizza's in round boxes would be silly.

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
    - you don't need wheels on your luggage when you go to the moon because it weighs 1/6th what it does on Earth and is easier to carry.

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
    - because they sleep curled up with their thumb in their mouth (one or two still wet the bed as well).

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
    - no it's called a 'signing'.

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
    - because some people like to look down on everyone else.

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
    - they have an aversion to underwear.

    Next question please
    :mrgreen:
     
  3. photogoddess

    photogoddess TPF Noob!

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    And to think I thought it was funny before seeing your responses. :lmao:
     
  4. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    Thanks Hertz!!! I was wondering how I was going to sleep tonight with all those questions rolling around in my head! :?


    You're really scaring me with all this shaving monkey stuff. :(
     
  5. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    yeah, next thing ya know your caption will say 'likes to shave monkeys' -better be careful matey!
     
  6. Luminosity

    Luminosity No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    :lmao: Ohhhh Hertz ! Great answers ! :lmao:
     
  7. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    Must have a lot of time on his hands. :)
     
  8. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    (between shaving monkeys of course) :roll:
     
  9. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    hehehehe, i was just thinking some of those are quite well though out :lol:
     
  10. danalec99

    danalec99 TPF Noob!

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    :lol:
     
  11. LittleMan

    LittleMan TPF Noob!

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    :lmao: Hertz... you are crazy..... :lol:
     
  12. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Thanks Walt & Hertz for the chuckles!
     

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comical points to ponder