Battleship. The way it's meant to be played. (writing)

jadin · Nov 22, 2004

Putting politics into Battleship sure makes it interesting. Perhaps even making it all too real...

Player 1: Who starts?
Player 2: I do. I presume you to have weapons of mass destruction, and I premptively strike you at B6.

Player 1: That's a miss. I send a small boat filled with explosives to G3.
Player 2: That's a hit. I attack A10.

Player 1: That's a hit.
Player 2: I use "shock and awe" and attack A5-A10, A10-E10, and everything in between.

Player 1: Well you sunk my tiniest ship. But missed everything else.
Player 2: I don't care which ship, we don't do body counts.

Player 2: I land a jet on my aircraft carrier and declare "Mission Accomplished!"
Player 1: Isn't that a little premature?

Player 2: Of course not. My ministry of information declares major combat over.
Player 1: Whatever, we still got a long way to go. I attack G4.

Player 2: 'Nother hit.
Player 1: Not a sink though?

Player 2: Nope. My spies reveal to me that you have forces located at...
Player 1: Hey! No peeking in the reflection. I execute your spies.

Player 2: They were on your submarine.
Player 1: Gah. I just executed one of my own men on the battleship then.

Player 1: There. Now he's dead.
Player 2: Muhahah! I had no spies. You killed your own soldiers!

Player 1: You little...
Player 2: I attack A9 with depleted uranium shells. The whole boat sinks with the one hit.

Player 1: Have you no morals?
Player 2: We'll do whatever it takes to make you free.

Player 1: Isn't that ironic. Your occupation stirs up thousands of gurilla soldiers who want to fight back. Suicide bombers attack F5, I7, and A9 simotaneously.
Player 2: That's a hit.

Player 1: A sink?
Player 2: Well it is, but my ministry of information doesn't announce it.

Player 1: Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's still a sink.

Anyway the game was cut short so no winner could be declared. It's just too bad that our game of battleship represented something with much more serious consequences.