Bayhem: A Deconstruction of Michael Bay's Films

[rexbobcat]

This is probably the most intelligent deconstruction of Michael Bay's cinematic techniques I've ever seen.

[video=vimeo;99798626]http://vimeo.com/99798626[/video]

 

[robbins.photo]

This is probably the most intelligent deconstruction of Michael Bay's cinematic techniques I've ever seen.

Well, besides his silly plotlines and bad casting.

[video=vimeo;99798626]http://vimeo.com/99798626[/video]

Ok, did I miss a link somewhere or do I need to take another look at readjusting my medication again? Lol

 

[rexbobcat]

Maybe it didn't post. :/ It's a Vimeo video.

[video=vimeo;99798626]http://vimeo.com/99798626[/video]

 

[cynicaster]

I saw the new Transformers last week. One of the new Autobots--voiced by John Goodman--had a beard and smoked a cigar. That's right, a robot that had a beard and smoked a cigar. Oh, and that particular character had the stupidest dialog I have ever heard in a movie. We're talking worse than Jar Jar Binks. At one point he was spinning around shooting his guns and he proclaimed "Hahaha! I'm a maaaaniac robot! Hahaha!" or something along those lines. I could scarcely believe my own eyes and ears.

I was given the old caveat emptor from a friend before seeing the film, but damn... speechless.

 

[tecboy]

This is cool! What about James Cameron?

 

[rexbobcat]

I saw the new Transformers last week. One of the new Autobots--voiced by John Goodman--had a beard and smoked a cigar. That's right, a robot that had a beard and smoked a cigar. Oh, and that particular character had the stupidest dialog I have ever heard in a movie. We're talking worse than Jar Jar Binks. At one point he was spinning around shooting his guns and he proclaimed "Hahaha! I'm a maaaaniac robot! Hahaha!" or something along those lines. I could scarcely believe my own eyes and ears.

I was given the old caveat emptor from a friend before seeing the film, but damn... speechless.

I just went for the transformers riding robot dinosaurs, but even that didn't happen until hour 2 of the movie. I liked the first one because it was just silly action fun. The last one was just...No words can describe how bad...

 

[cynicaster]

I saw the new Transformers last week. One of the new Autobots--voiced by John Goodman--had a beard and smoked a cigar. That's right, a robot that had a beard and smoked a cigar. Oh, and that particular character had the stupidest dialog I have ever heard in a movie. We're talking worse than Jar Jar Binks. At one point he was spinning around shooting his guns and he proclaimed "Hahaha! I'm a maaaaniac robot! Hahaha!" or something along those lines. I could scarcely believe my own eyes and ears.

I was given the old caveat emptor from a friend before seeing the film, but damn... speechless.

I just went for the transformers riding robot dinosaurs, but even that didn't happen until hour 2 of the movie. I liked the first one because it was just silly action fun. The last one was just...No words can describe how bad...

Yeah. You don't go in to a flick like that expecting dramatic excellence, but we're talking a whole other level of ass here. I just don't understand it. It doesn't have to be that bad. Address the dialogue alone and you're already doing much better. If I didn't know better, I'd think Bay sat down with the screenwriter and said "ok, what I need you to do is ruin the film. Understand? Just kill it. If the dialogue is remotely bearable, you're not doing your job."

I agree, the first one was far and away the best. It was still silly of course, but at least it had that big "reveal" of the transformers, as seen through the eyes of the human characters. Unfortunately, you can only do that once.

 

[Braineack]

movies I made sure not to see:

spiderman 2,3
amazing spiderman 1, 2
captain america 1,2
avengers
thor 1,2
man of steel
transformers 2,3,4
gi joe 1,2
fast and furious 2,3,4,5,6 (future 7)
need for speed

im assuming i didn't miss anything good?

 

[bentcountershaft]

movies I made sure not to see:

spiderman 2,3
amazing spiderman 1, 2
captain america 1,2
avengers
thor 1,2
man of steel
transformers 2,3,4
gi joe 1,2
fast and furious 2,3,4,5,6 (future 7)
need for speed

im assuming i didn't miss anything good?

I managed to avoid all of those as well, which was no small feat.

 

[cynicaster]

movies I made sure not to see:

spiderman 2,3
amazing spiderman 1, 2
captain america 1,2
avengers
thor 1,2
man of steel
transformers 2,3,4
gi joe 1,2
fast and furious 2,3,4,5,6 (future 7)
need for speed

im assuming i didn't miss anything good?

I've not seen any films on your list except Fast & Furious 2 and Transformers 2-4. Four films, roughly 9-10 hours of my life I'd like back.

 

[robbins.photo]

I saw the new Transformers last week. One of the new Autobots--voiced by John Goodman--had a beard and smoked a cigar. That's right, a robot that had a beard and smoked a cigar. Oh, and that particular character had the stupidest dialog I have ever heard in a movie. We're talking worse than Jar Jar Binks. At one point he was spinning around shooting his guns and he proclaimed "Hahaha! I'm a maaaaniac robot! Hahaha!" or something along those lines. I could scarcely believe my own eyes and ears.

I was given the old caveat emptor from a friend before seeing the film, but damn... speechless.

I just went for the transformers riding robot dinosaurs, but even that didn't happen until hour 2 of the movie. I liked the first one because it was just silly action fun. The last one was just...No words can describe how bad...

See, now that just seems like a challenge. I might have to go see this movie just to see if I actually do have a vocabulary sufficient to describe how badly it sucks.. lol

 

[robbins.photo]

movies I made sure not to see:

spiderman 2,3
amazing spiderman 1, 2
captain america 1,2
avengers
thor 1,2
man of steel
transformers 2,3,4
gi joe 1,2
fast and furious 2,3,4,5,6 (future 7)
need for speed

im assuming i didn't miss anything good?

Unless your a really big fan of the ads where they are trying to sell you popcorn, nah.. don't think you missed anything that great. Most of these were on my "wait for it to come out on Netflix" lilst, and frankly none of them was really anything to write home about. Fast and Furious was probably the funniest of all of them, as a guy who used to race 1/4 sprint track when Vin Diesel starts yapping about how the blonde kid should have been "double clutching" rather than "granny shifting" I damn near fell off the couch laughing.

Anyone who's ever run 1/4 mile knows double clutching is pretty much the very last thing you would ever want to do, it's a technique used to slow down, and frankly unless your driving a 10 wheel or a semi truck not one that you would probably ever make use of, certainly never if you were trying to win a 1/4 mile run. Just sort of illustrated that they spent tons and tons and tons of money on this crap and didn't even bother to do the most basic of research on the subject matter. Typical hollyweird I'm afraid.. lol.

The spider man thing.. well seriously, how many times can you remake the exact same movie? Egads. I mean can't we advance this story even just a bit from introducing a super hero that's already been introduce in half a dozen other movies just with a very slight variation in plot?

The superman thing? Eh, have to admit was never really a huge superman fan to begin with, but after the remake they did a few years back where Superman became a super weird stalker.. ehh, really lost interest so haven't even seen the new and probably not at all improved remake of the remake. Got a buddy of mine who's a total superman freak, he gets really upset when I point out that the guy is an illegal alien - literally. Lol.

I shut the first GI Joe movie off within 15 minutes I think, never bothered to even watch the second. I think Thor should have been filmed in reverse, he starts off as a god of thunder and winds up a sissy girly man, should really have done that the other way around.. lol.

 

[Braineack]

I need NOS and I need it by tonight.

 

[Mashburn]

Guess I'm the only one who liked man of steel.

 

[molested_cow]

I like all these criticisms against things that you choose not to engage in, meaning you don't even know what it really is and claim that it is bad. If you've tried to understand it and conclude that it's bad, tell us why.

Eg. I have never tried smoking but was involved in a research program and interviewed a few dozens of smokers from all walks of life and I conclude that it's every bit as nasty as drugs.

Eg. The maker of this Bayhem critic claims that he dislike Bay's films, but makes the effort to watch them all and tell us why.