It may be there are not more responses, as you are using Lightroom for PP. It is excellent for PP, but many do not use it. They got used to using other programs, then got Lightroom. Old habits die hard, they may use LR for some things, like I did. Then switch to PS, etc for finishing touches.
But, the more I learn about LR, the more I like it.
Now use LR for 95% + of all my images. Its quicker than switching. Most of what I do in PS today is add frames or do major changes or retouching and things that cant be done in LR.
Most may like it exactly as it is, especially your edit after checking the help already given. Personally liked the first, then the edit you did better. Your idea was Waldo or to focus on the People and the latter one shows them in more detail... so feel you don't need help.
Being Picky, Only one thing in it that you might change, that might have to be done in another editor, would be capture the windows in the upper right, and change them to match the other windows. They draw the eye away from the center of attention.