Camera gear or pride?

[Dom6663]

Its Christmas time! And my birth parents have been offering to buy me nice things! Which is awesome for most teenagers, but in my family we usually have a small Christmas with small gifts. Now the conflict is, do I let my birth parents, both of whom are into photography, buy me equipment that I truly need, being a canon 70-200mm f4 L (I dont have a single AF lens in my quiver) a new external flash, and some studio equipment. Sounds awesome right? Well fundamentally I am about being self reliant, every birthday christmas holiday so on, its always been small gifts.

Being 17 and working a strictly seasonal job its suffocating when you cant afford simple gear, like an auto focus lens so you can shoot sports at your school. But I am opposed to receiving gifts of this value, it really devalues teenagers appreciation. I can't tell you how many Macbook airs, iphone 4s and all sorts of consumerist products my peers have.

Can you wise older folk give me some insight into how I should approach this situation?

 

[Kerbouchard]

By the way you are wording your question, I take it you are adopted?

My opinion, talk to your foster parents. See how they feel about it.

Nothing wrong with wanting to work for everything you get and to earn everything you have, but then again, there is also a lesson to be learned in recieving gifts graciously and with appreciation.

For me, I've always had some issues with that last lesson. It has ruined a few friendships and hurt a few feelings over the years. Never really did learn how to accept a gift. We didn't get gifts around holidays unless you counted school clothes or maybe even a new jacket if times were good.

In any case, there is a difference between pride and just being stubborn. I'm still working on that one. Hopefully, it takes you less time.

My opinion, if the people who brought you into this world enjoy your photos and would like to help you progress, you shouldn't look down your nose at them. On the flip side of the coin, if it would make the people who raised you uncomfortable, I would pass.

 

[rgregory1965]

You say birth parents??? have they not been in the picture and are now tring to make up for lost time???

I say take it......If you have worked hard for what you have and have good morals, its always nice to get a nice gift as long as they dont expect something in return....

 

[Tony S]

Talk it over with your birth parents. Tell them how you feel, that you don't need to be bought off with material things. Perhaps they have a way you could "work" it off or some other arrangement that will work ethically for you and still make them happy. Communicating is the best way to get through this. And remember, pride is sometimes a very destructive trait to have.

 

[Dom6663]

I've been in communication with my birth parents for about three years now, so I don't think they are buying me off with gifts. My birth father is a semi pro-tog and genuinely wants to see me do well in photography, my birth mother just enjoys looking at my pictures.

However last year my birth father got me a canon 350D, and my mother a takumar 55mm f1.8, I still feel indebted to them from last year, in essence giving me the gift of creativity in a hand held device.

I cant draw for the life of me.

 

[mjhoward]

Being 17, I'm impressed just by your post. You're very well spoken and present yourself much differently and more professionally than most teenagers (even a lot of adults) these days. Your consideration and overall attitude will get you further than most. I think this is a question that only you and possibly other members of your family can help you decide, not a bunch of strangers. Good luck to you.

 

[Dom6663]

Being 17, I'm impressed just by your post. You're very well spoken and present yourself much differently and more professionally than most teenagers (even a lot of adults) these days. Your consideration and overall attitude will get you further than most. I think this is a question that only you and possibly other members of your family can help you decide, not a bunch of strangers. Good luck to you.

I appreciate the compliment. The reason I am asking here is because I differ heavily from my parent's values, and more so from my birth parent's values. So having a wide range of people give me opinions, some of which may have been in similar situations is much more helpful than what I know both sides of my family will already say.

 

[MLeeK]

Our opinions mean nothing. You have to have a soul searching evening spent with yourself and figure out how you feel. Maybe it's a compromise that they purchase it but you pay for half of it over time or all of it over time or... Or maybe it's that they just teach you and you work for your gear... Or maybe it's accepting a gift that they genuinely want to give to you... WHatever it is our answers don't' mean a darned thing. It's what is inside you that matters.

 

[Overread]

I think this is a question that only you and possibly other members of your family can help you decide, not a bunch of strangers. Good luck to you.

I would agree with that sentiment - whilst we can pitch in our own opinions the only solid answer you will get is to sit down and chat with them, being open and honest about it.


Myself, with the limited info you've given, I'd say that it might be ungrateful of you reject the gift outright, but that since you are keen to earn what you have that you might well want too look at some kind of arrangment; try to set it up not like you are paying them for the gift, but more that they are helping you afford the gift in advance; so say you offer to pay back half (totally random figure) of the cost. That way you accept the gift, whilst also sticking to your morals about earning what you have.

The only other consideration is the parents who've adopted you and how they might feel about this; a lot will depend on the finances of each party and also your relationships with them. It's a very hard to impossible area to really give any proper advice upon because of all the possible different combinations of factors; all I will say is to be aware (by your posts I suspect you are already aware) how how expensive gifts from your birth parents might influence your adoptive parents; esp as you're in the late teenage years and the "flying the nest" stage starts to approach.

 

[Dom6663]

Thank you for your insightful posts. It's become more apparent what I need to do approaching this situation.

Again the reason I came here asking this question is not to have someone tell me exactly what to do, but to get your opinions. I respect this community and the people involved in it much more than a lot of other communities I belong to. And hearing what you all had to say simply helps me assemble this puzzle in my head. Thanks :thumbup: