A lot of variables to consider, but OP, as a general statement, modern TTL flash metering systems are capable of identifying what is intended to be the "subject" of the shot, and thus are able to expose that subject separately from the background. The gist of how the system works is this: the camera fires a quick "pre-flash", then compares the exposure it gets from that flash with the exposure it gets without the flash. It identifies the area of the frame that receives a boost in exposure from the flash, deduces that to be the intended subject that needs to be exposed "correctly", and sets flash output accordingly for the "final" picture. The system is actually a fair bit more fancy than that, but that's the general idea.
So, you can set your ambient (background) exposure in Av mode to your liking, point the camera at the subject(s) and shoot. The background will be exposed according to your Av settings, and the TTL system will attempt to expose the subjects correctly. At that point, you can tweak either the background or the subject exposure with exposure compensation or flash exposure compensation, respectively (I trust you know what those functions do).
Personally, this all sounds like too much of a headache to me. I'd probably just set everything manually and go by trial and error. Once I get it right, it will stay right until the conditions change significantly.
Right, so if I want to underexpose my ambient I am going to choose a faster shutter and if I want a higher flash output, then aperture more wide open? Right? If aperture controls flash and shutter speed controls ambient then I also can't be adjusting for DOF without affecting the flash? This is where I get confused.........I want to be able to control my dof and my shutter speeds but also control the amount of ambient light and flash which seems to both be directed by the same controls. No?
First of all, the aperture affects both the ambient and the flash exposure. Same with ISO. The shutter speed affects ambient, yes.
This is why manual is a good idea. Set the aperture to achieve the DOF you want. Use the shutter speed to get the background exposed the way you want**. Once these are set, you can concentrate strictly on getting the flash exposure correct--either by manual setting or using TTL.
** note, if it's broad daylight outside, you're going to have a hard time getting shallow DoF without massively overexposing everything, because your shutter speed is limited to ~1/200s when flash is used. Solutions to that dilemma include use of ND filters and/or flashes that provide high speed sync capabilities.