Family shoot gone wrong!

[nychaimages]

So I did a session with a small family (mom,father, child) and they were great. However, the mom was extremely bossy. Being that I am the photographer, I know a little more about what I’m doing and how things are supposed to go. Instead, she tried to take on the photographer role and tell me how to pose them and where to stand and almost how to operate my camera! Maybe I am just over thinking it or something but I felt as though it was a little rude. I didn’t even charge her, it was a free shoot that I offered to do and sacrifice some time away from my family.

How do you handle a bossy client who tries to take over?
Am I thinking too far into it or was this lady slightly rude?


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[tirediron]

Clients come in all flavours. When I get one that thinks they know better than I do, I start by saying, "Sure, we can try that..." after a few minutes of letting them have it their way, I tell them that I'd like to try something different. If they still insist on driving the bus, I'll stop the shoot and explain that they've hired me, I'm the expert and if they want my expertise, fine, I'll do what I do. If they want to continue to run things, I don't think we're going to be able to work together, and if necessary, I'll pack up my lens cap and leave.

 

[Designer]

..the mom was extremely bossy.

Am I thinking too far into it or was this lady slightly rude?

Yes, but then how you handle it is the measure of your professionalism. Some people are just naturally bossy or abrasive in other ways, but life goes on. As long as you didn't escalate it, you did fine.

 

[Braineack]

In my experience, as soon as that starts happening, the day is ruined.

I try to assert myself as soon as I walk in the door. I make people leave the area. You gotta be the alpha.

Having help from mom and dad is great, but it can also easily get out of hand. I had one mom once say: let's just put the kids on the floor and you just take pictures of them -- how about no. I just explained, we setup the lights for standing poses in front of the fireplace like we planned, and if they wanted snapshots, they could take them with their cell phones between poses...

 

[dennybeall]

I'm old and opinionated but my thought is: If you want to be a Service Professional then you provide the service to suite the client. Pose the family the way the family (MOMMA) wants them posed. Once you've built a reputation and become an artist then they can do it your way or the highway.....
There are ways to deal with folks like that but it usually takes a lot of tongue biting.
In these days of Social Media word of mouth you have to deal with every single customer if you want to do well. One ticked off customer can put you out of business.

 

[nychaimages]

..the mom was extremely bossy.

Am I thinking too far into it or was this lady slightly rude?

Yes, but then how you handle it is the measure of your professionalism. Some people are just naturally bossy or abrasive in other ways, but life goes on. As long as you didn't escalate it, you did fine.

I didn’t escalate it because I wanted to remain professional. I considered her suggestions and I did some of the things she insisted on doing but once it got to be too much for me, I told her that I appreciate the instruction but I am comfortable doing things the way I intended and to ensure a great result from the shoot I have to do things the way I am accustomed.


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[nychaimages]

In my experience, as soon as that starts happening, the day is ruined.

I try to assert myself as soon as I walk in the door. I make people leave the area. You gotta be the alpha.

Having help from mom and dad is great, but it can also easily get out of hand. I had one mom once say: let's just put the kids on the floor and you just take pictures of them -- how about no. I just explained, we setup the lights for standing poses in front of the fireplace like we planned, and if they wanted snapshots, they could take them with their cell phones between poses...

Thank you, I agree 100%.


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[nychaimages]

I'm old and opinionated but my thought is: If you want to be a Service Professional then you provide the service to suite the client. Pose the family the way the family (MOMMA) wants them posed. Once you've built a reputation and become an artist then they can do it your way or the highway.....
There are ways to deal with folks like that but it usually takes a lot of tongue biting.
In these days of Social Media word of mouth you have to deal with every single customer if you want to do well. One ticked off customer can put you out of business.

Exactly! I tried to stay professional as possible because I understand that this can ruin a lot for me


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[Derrel]

I have been a studio photographer in multiple different cities, and the type of mother you describe exists. We used to shoot a lot of sets every day, and I have run into quite a few of the bossy-type moms. Moms actually ruin a lot of photo sessions by looking at the kids to be the smile-police, when the mother should be looking ahead, at the camera, like the rest of the family. Moms can ruin sets by directing the other family members. As has already been said, you must be the alpha. You establish that from the very start of the session. Tirediron's comment is one way to handle a bossy mom (in thousands of sessions, I never once met a "bossy dad"); tell her, "We can try some shots your way," and then you can do that, but then you say, "Your way isn't working, let's do it my way." That immediately undercuts her judgement.standing in front of the others. The other way is to say, flat out, "I'm in charge, let's shoot this this way: ___ __ ___ ____ __ ___,with ___ _ ___ __ ___ ____," However, making a bold, alpha who-is-in-charge type of statement takes some gumption, and many people will not do it, either out of timidity or respect or for some other reason.

Nychimages, your profile photo makes me think you are young, possibly female; if you are young, either male or female, it could be that the mother feels like she's hired somebody who is nothing more than a so-called "hired gun", somebody who will listen to her, "the boss", and who will shoot to specification, exactly as-commanded. Perhaps there was a miscommunication before the session, or perhaps the mother had some very specific ideas about what she wanted photographed, and exactly how she wanted it done.

Anyway...get used to this "bossy mom" type of behavior unless you realize that, to discourage and minimize it, you must be the alpha; you must be in-charge, and in-command during a studio session. This has to be made clear in a pre-shoot consultation. You simply must make it clear "how" the session will be done. There can be room for pre-planned poses and pre-planned groups, and there can be room for free-form posing and loose poses and spontaneous ideas, but ALL of that needs to be talked about, BEFORE you start the session. If, during a session, there is some problem, you need to solve the problem by your own command. If somebody is acting up, you need to use your voice to tell the person(s) to behave better, or to leave the area if they are doing a peanut gallery behavior (like trying to play smile-police).

 

[JoeW]

Here's the challenge about being a professional portrait photographer: until you reach the point where you're shooting Presidents and Oscar-winners, you have to accept that you are going to end up shooting some serious a-holes and bridezillas at times. If you shoot only people you like or people who are attractive or people you work well with, then you're be so selective that your business won't take off. The reality of portrait photography today is that, unless you've got an incredible reputation (maybe you won a Pulitzer in Afghanistan for your conflict photography), you're going to have to earn your rep. And that means saying "yes" to a lot of assignments and a lot of clients that won't ring your bells and excite you about photography.

If I can use an analogy, it's like someone starting out in sports photojournalism and expecting to be shooting professional teams. Your local paper editor is going to roll their eyes and then say "here's your assignment for Friday--the local Football team, followed by the girl's volley ball game on Saturday morning, the list of soccer games on Saturday day and then photos of the press conference with the basketball coach on Saturday night."

 

[otherprof]

So I did a session with a small family (mom,father, child) and they were great. However, the mom was extremely bossy. Being that I am the photographer, I know a little more about what I’m doing and how things are supposed to go. Instead, she tried to take on the photographer role and tell me how to pose them and where to stand and almost how to operate my camera! Maybe I am just over thinking it or something but I felt as though it was a little rude. I didn’t even charge her, it was a free shoot that I offered to do and sacrifice some time away from my family.

How do you handle a bossy client who tries to take over?
Am I thinking too far into it or was this lady slightly rude?


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I can’t help thinking that the fact you were doing the shoot at no charge had a lot to do with her attitude and allowed her to treat you as less than professional.

 

[mrca]

First, since you are shooting this for free, expect the subject to value your skills at just that, nothing. When folks pay for something they think it has some value. I expect you are new at this and it is hard to exude confidence and professionalism when new especially if struggling with lights, poses etc. As the above posts indicate, there are numerous ways to handle a client who wants to take control. You have to sense which approach applies with the individual client. However, it is often HOW you say it more than what you say that will elicit a response. Butting heads immediately is not my go to approach. Remember when working with children you may have a limited window of attention span/cooperation. I would say something like: That is a good idea, however, the lights are set for X so let's quickly do that then I can adjust for your suggestion and we can shoot it. That way, you get good shots in the can before you go off on a wild goose chase with momma's ideas. With adults, I have an idea what they need and want before starting so give them that. Once that is in the can, by that time they are more comfortable in front of the camera, have seen some shots they like so have more confidence in me and are more fatigued and their guard and facade comes down a bit. Then I go for the stuff I think would be great. They ALWAYS pick some of those shots and they are often the favorites but still pick some of the early cliched crap. A recent shoot like that my shot ended up on a magazine cover. What do you care, that's an extra sale and you got to shoot what you like. However, as Bambi Cantrell said, beauty is in the eye of the checkbook holder, so if you don't at least take a run at her desires, you will probably have a disgruntled client. With adults, I let them see how crappy their posing is with the lighting. Then SUGGEST we try to improve it and let them see why you are the photographer. I have a T shirt that says I am the photographer to save time assume I know everything. Learn to be confident and in control in your sessions and that will minimize these issues. How does that adage go, don't let them see you sweat. Another is they can smell your fear.

 

[InFlight]

I would have simply start discussing how to be a mother and wife.

 

[snowbear]

That's one way to make a bad situation worse.

 

[vagabondkidd]

This is something that could hurt my ego for doing something for free.