Fancy Dress

[Chris of Arabia]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to
explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.

The man thinks this is terrible because they emphasized his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he received another parcel.

Dear Sir,

Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

The man is extremely furious now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple...

 

[Hertz van Rental]

Bit like the bald man who went to a fancy dress party carrying a bowl of custard and with his face and head painted red.
When someone asked him what he was supposed to be he took a mouthful of custard and spat it out.
"I'm a boil!"