Hmm, i'm not sure how to compare these to as an improvement. If you take away the heavy vignetting on the second and the un-needed watermark then the only thing I can say is the lighting is obviously more appealing seen as its not behind her and i guess the crop is a little better.
In #1 she is back lit, under exposed, and fill light was needed.
In #2, again fill lighting was needed. A person's eye's are an extremely important element in a portrait type photo. The light source is above her (looks like overcast sunlight) causing her eye sockets to be so dark we cannot see her eyes.
Plus causing other shadows not all that flattering to her face.
Notably, the lighting style used is called 'broad' light, which means the wider, camera right side of her face has the least shadowing.
Short, Split, Rembrandt light is more flattering to people that have round, plump cheeked faces.
Now that the technicals have been addressed, I would like to comment on the composition.
The first has some fairly obvious flaws, and I'm sure you've considered each factor in your improvement.
The second, however, still contains a couple of compositional flaws, namely; the chain and your watermark. If she wasn't holding the chain, then her hand would not be centered and covering a portion of her bodice.