Bokeh is certainly subjective... I don't think you can say gaussian always looks best. On certain backgrounds, a lens with good bokeh will appear gaussian, on others, it will create the sharp but diffuse blobs you were talking about. I think what causes me to say bokeh is good is how well it gives a 3D impression to the scene. Obliterating the background is nice sometimes, but I like bokeh when it gives you an idea of the depth relationships in the scene. So when it's good, the lens not only renders a nice blur, but also a nice transition between sharp and blur that enhances the feeling of depth. I think "harsh" bokeh falls short because often the background is too busy to look sufficiently far away, but of course that depends on the shot. Good bokeh can have sharp elements and diffuse elements, as long they serve to support the depth of the scene, not obscure it.