Men beating on woman

[bribrius]

Oh

The first law against domestic violence was passed in 1850. It wasn't until 1920 that the last state passed a law to make it illegal for a man to beat his wife. That was less than 100 years ago.

Even after laws were passed, arrests were rarely made. It wasn't until the 1970s that people finally stopped turning a blind eye. There were more laws starting in the 1990s that had more teeth and could actually protect women, not only because of consequences but because they were actually being enforced.

So just think - is there really more violence against women? Or is it just more visible now because a) it is FINALLY less acceptable, which in turn means there's more social stigma and more consequences, and so women feel safer to report the abuse, and b) there are more ways to capture photographic evidence of the abuse.

(And yet, just think of all the abuse that still does NOT get reported.)

This is not about men 'losing their place' - abuse is about insecurity, fear, and control. And quite frankly, I feel it is problem to imply that if we could all just appreciate what men do, then they won't beat us anymore. That's dancing dangerously close to the victim-blaming line.

Why can't a man be appreciated for being good to his family? Good question. Why can't a woman be appreciated for what she does for her family? Why can't men AND women both be appreciated for the good things they do even if they don't have families? These are also good questions. I just don't think they are the relevant questions to ask when the subject is domestic violence.

Oh there is more violence against women i think. But in 1940 there wasnt women that would cheat on you with your friends kick your dog take all your money and smash the windows out of your car. And then expect to take no accountability for it.

 

[limr30 3]

How about not hitting anybody? "Equality" shouldn't mean MORE violence is acceptable.

 

[jcdeboever]

There is so much hate, anger, envy, and violence everywhere. I am so tired of it. I see it in on the street, around the Globe, in our sports, in places of worship.

 

[smoke665]

And yet, just think of all the abuse that still does NOT get reported.)

Or as I said earlier the victim fails to follow through with charges, or lies about the cause of the injury. I'm not so sure that there's any more violence men or women as a "percentage" of the population then there was in 1940. I believe it's more "known about" now, thanks to response by LEO and Fire/1st responders. I also believe as I said earlier a case where grandpa/grandma was an abuser, so Mom/Dad grew up to be an abuser and it's likely little Joey/Suzy will as well.

This is not about men 'losing their place' - abuse is about insecurity, fear, and control

We can finally agree on something. LOL At least partially. The majority of runs these factors came into play, but there were a few where for whatever reason, something just caused the person to snap. I remember a call where a woman had emptied two 9 shot clips at her husband because he made a comment about the dinner she'd made. Fortunately despite the number of shots the man had only been grazed in a couple of places, because the woman claimed "he wouldn't stand still".

 

[waday]

I was going to write a big response that tried to explain my intentions for posting, but I deleted it. There are just three things that I want to touch on briefly:

1. This thread has no focus. Is it on domestic violence against women, domestic violence against anyone, or about lamenting how society and men have changed over the years? While the title is about men abusing women and the first half of the OP discusses domestic violence, it ends with questions that seem to have nothing to do with domestic violence. This was pointed out by @limr.
   
   
2. These threads are very bad, because with no focus, people say things that almost immediately cause animosity and hatred towards other members. Something that I think JC is tired of, but not mentioned in the OP.
   
   As an example, to quote @smoke665, "Obviously you haven't been on the responding end...". Funny, because you don't know anything about me or my past, what I have or have not experienced. This statement is unfair, because you make an ass out of me with your false assumptions just to further your point. Given my response, I hope you realize you're incorrect. I've already shared more than I care to publicly, and I do not care to share more.
   
   
3. Have a good discussion, and I hope it turns out to be a meaningful in the end. I no longer wish to be a part of this thread.

 

[terri34 6]

Agreed. My first post was trying to say the same thing, but you've expanded on it in a far more eloquent way.

I don't mind folks making comments, wanting to vent, or express their own experiences, but since the OP didn't really make an argument (to be defended, expanded on or agreed with), it is lacking a focal point around which to garner any meaningful discussion. These are exactly the types of threads that can easily go off the rails.

 

[limr30 3]

And yet, just think of all the abuse that still does NOT get reported.)

Or as I said earlier the victim fails to follow through with charges, or lies about the cause of the injury. I'm not so sure that there's any more violence men or women as a "percentage" of the population then there was in 1940. I believe it's more "known about" now, thanks to response by LEO and Fire/1st responders. I also believe as I said earlier a case where grandpa/grandma was an abuser, so Mom/Dad grew up to be an abuser and it's likely little Joey/Suzy will as well.

This is not about men 'losing their place' - abuse is about insecurity, fear, and control

We can finally agree on something. LOL At least partially. The majority of runs these factors came into play, but there were a few where for whatever reason, something just caused the person to snap. I remember a call where a woman had emptied two 9 shot clips at her husband because he made a comment about the dinner she'd made. Fortunately despite the number of shots the man had only been grazed in a couple of places, because the woman claimed "he wouldn't stand still".

I'm going to bet that we actually agree on other things as well: the cuteness of puppies, the joy of a really good pizza, the retina-searing shock of overcooked HDR...

 

[Braineack]

There is so much hate, anger, envy, and violence everywhere. I am so tired of it. I see it in on the street, around the Globe, in our sports, in places of worship.

this is what happens when you pit classes/labels against each other.

 

[limr30 3]

Nope, we are not going there.

 

[vintagesnaps]

Well, ya know, the people living their lives in a positive way aren't the ones going to be on the news except for some features of community events and what not. It's not going to make the news that you went to Little League then walked across the street to the creamy whippity dip and a good time was had by all - unless a local paper or TV station is doing a feature on it. I think there's just so much out there online, and all the clickbait sites embellish it, and it takes figuring out how to filter it.

As far as the more serious turn of this thread, having worked with toddlers we try to teach them to touch nice, use their words (or 'give' them words/gestures), and direct them away from another child if they're hitting (as toddlers are often inclined to do when frustrated, etc.). But if adults think hitting or physical force is okay, how are the kids going to learn it's NOT okay? Because it isn't, nobody deserves it. Kids need guidance and appropriate discipline. What you show or teach kids is often likely to be what they'll be doing later in life. Although I've seen the cycle be broken, and had parents tell me they want to learn how to manage their kids' behavior than what was done back in the day when they were younger. But if people don't want to try to change or learn anything that can often be the challenge, to help break that cycle of violence or abusive behavior.

 

[bribrius]

How about not hitting anybody? "Equality" shouldn't mean MORE violence is acceptable.

Sorry if i find some crack head or heroin head chick breaking into my car i'm going to friggn hit her. Years ago i wouldn't think of such a thing but things change. World changed.

 

[vintagesnaps]

If some crack head is breaking into your car call the police. And that seems like an extreme example... I mean, there are circumstances where you may need to do what you need to do to defend yourself. But if in the process of trying to protect your car/your property then what if you hit someone (a woman who may be smaller than you) and cause serious injury? Then you could be held responsible for your action and it could just make a bad situation worse. And confronting someone on drugs doesn't always turn out well either because the person could be unaware of what they're even doing.

Most of the time taking physical or aggressive action probably isn't the best first reaction; being calm can diffuse a situation.

 

[rexbobcat]

I don't quite understand the main theme of this thread since the OP was somewhat meandering, but I will apply to one of the tangents.

I've never understood why my purpose should be defined by my gender. Why do I need a purpose as a man? If I stay home and take care of my kids, I don't need to be celebrated for my role within the family, because the only person whose opinion matters is my child's (and my partner's of course).

Waiting for society to dictate my value will only lead to discontentment and regret. Life's too short.

 

[jcdeboever]

I don't quite understand the main theme of this thread since the OP was somewhat meandering, but I will apply to one of the tangents.

I've never understood why my purpose should be defined by my gender. Why do I need a purpose as a man? If I stay home and take care of my kids, I don't need to be celebrated for my role within the family, because the only person whose opinion matters is my child's (and my partner's of course).

Waiting for society to dictate my value will only lead to discontentment and regret. Life's too short.

I don't watch news but was sitting in living room and it was on. The station was going on and on about the numerous football players beating on woman. I just was disgusted really, and pondered what about all the good men out there? It got me thinking and reminded me of a paper I did in college on the demise of the "traditional nuclear family" (got 200 points). I basically compared the rolls of each family member and set out to prove a theory that the man had lost his place in the family unit, and children were not being nurtured by their mothers. It stirred great debate amongst the class. I was meandering, lol.

 

[SquarePeg37 8]

Oh people people! I go on vacation for a week and come back to this can of worms? Why in the world did I even click on this thread after reading the title?

Are there really two sides to this discussion? It's not ok to hit anyone, ever, unless in self defense from a physical attack. Period. If you disagree with this statement then consider yourself on my ignore list for good.