Never Get Out of the Boat (or, cleaning D810 sensor)

Discussion in 'Nikon Cameras' started by kdthomas, Dec 13, 2015.

  1. kdthomas

    kdthomas No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    The chef in Apocalypse Now said it best, cowering in the boat after he and CPT Willard had just been chased through the jungle by a tiger whilst searching for mangoes:

    Never get outta the boat,
    Never get outta the boat,
    Never get outta the boat ...


    I was chanting this same mantra out loud as I paced the house fearing -- as I still fear -- that I had just wrecked the sensor on a three thousand dollar camera. I started with a few faint dust spots. I now have one big dust spot that I can't get rid of.

    I will never forgive myself if I've d**ked this thing up. I now realize some of the things I did wrong:
    1. Wrong swabs ... as it turns out I need #3 swabs, not #2 swabs (photographic solutions)
    2. Should have done the cheaper camera first (the D3200)
    3. Actually thinking that I am actually capable of actually doing this.
    4. I didn't stay in the boat
    5. I got out of the boat
    6. I didn't stay in the boat
    7. I didn't take the camera to someone who actually knew what the F*** they were doing
    8. I got out of the boat.
    One problem was the very expense Visible Dust sensor loupe has a battery compartment that surely was designed by a drunken chimpanzee. When putting the battery in, the GD upper battery contact bends such that it no longer contacts the battery!!!!! Did the idiots who designed this Rube Goldberg contraption every actually USE this thing? You know, like AS INTENDED, in REAL LIFE??? I actually had to jam aluminum foil in there to make contact. Nice.

    Two drops on the swab.

    What was truly vexing me was that the damn swabs kept LEAVING DUST BEHIND!!! What the F???!!! There's more dust on the damn sensor after swabbing than before. Well crap, now what? Puff, puff with the rocket blower. No change. Oh, well, hell ... I guess I'll swab again! More dust! puff puff puff. Another swab. I'm just moving dust around. As soon as I get out of the nut house, I'll be able to open my own business! Kerry's House of Photo Sensor Dust Relocation.

    Maybe I can puff it away. Hmmm. Puff. Puff. (sigh)

    Puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff.

    Puff, Kerry, puff.
    See Kerry puff.
    Puff, puff, puff.

    No change. Here we go! Another swab ... Jesus. Now I catch the edge of the f***ing sensor wrong. As I move the swab left ... THWACK! The swab slaps down against the sensor. I am teetering on the brink of suicidal rage at this point.

    So, here we are, seven swabs later, and I still have dust on the GD sensor.

    At this point I'm going to order some #3 swabs and a sensor brush. I've either destroyed the camera or not. If not I'll be using the right swabs. If I have wrecked it, it won't matter anyway.


     
  2. runnah

    runnah Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Send it in. Have the pros do it and let them fix any **** ups.
     
  3. tirediron

    tirediron Watch the Birdy! Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Mehh... WORST case scenario is you're out $75-100 for a professional cleaning. The chances of actually ruining the sensor are VERY slim.
     
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  4. 480sparky

    480sparky Chief Free Electron Relocator Supporting Member

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    Slim and none, and Slim has left town. Damned near impossible to screw up the sensor while wet cleaning, if you ask me.

    What you would most likely ruin in the glass filter that's inserted ON TOP of the sensor. :bek181: And even at that, you really, truly, honest-to-God.... have to try very, very hard to do that. Like, use a swab over and over. And drop it on the floor between uses. And swab out Kitty's litter box. And wipe down your car's mag wheels. And then try to use it again.
     
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  5. kdthomas

    kdthomas No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    • Like Like x 1
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  6. Derrel

    Derrel Mr. Rain Cloud

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    Don't worry about it too much. Sounds familiar.
     
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  7. runnah

    runnah Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    WTF version is that?!

     
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  8. Derrel

    Derrel Mr. Rain Cloud

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    TWO entirely different songs. From wildly different eras. Neither one is "a version" of the other.

    The titles are similar, but different. Different eras. Your passive-aggressive "Disagree" button use was duly noted, and not really appreciated, so I gave you one right back.
     
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  9. jaomul

    jaomul Been spending a lot of time on here!

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    The edit is better ;)
     
  10. tecboy

    tecboy No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    :popcorn:
     
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  11. runnah

    runnah Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Whoa slow your roll!

    1. I know that they are different that was the silly part
    2. I am never passive aggressive, only openly hostile
    3. You can disagree without being mad/upset/angry at someone
    4. I see the "disagree" button as playful, not serious as this is a forum where we all BS.
     
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  12. gsgary

    gsgary Been spending a lot of time on here!

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    I can't see the big deal every photographer that uses a digital camera should be able to clean a sensor it's not rocket science, when I was shooting motox I used to wet clean it before every meet 10 minute job at most
     

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