My reactions were...
- Color and tone are pretty nice.
- Hair seems great.
- Not sure about that dress.
- Flash looked a little overbright... looks like you shot late in the day and overcompensated ... likely with a single light source that was too harsh?
- I see what appears to be ... focus issues? Something looks off.
- Not enough sexiness overall for the pinup thing... Needs more leg I think. Sort of an odd pose as well, she's all collapsed into herself.
So it seems to me you have a lot of good elements, but just didn't QUITE make it.