This is for critique only, to better yourself.
1. Very harsh shadow lines, shadows are good but a portrait like this would look better with softer edged shadows. Make a larger light source by either pulling the light further from the subject or by diffusing via softbox or umbrella.
2. the light is really flat, use a stronger key light and a kicker just for fill.
3. really harsh muddy shadow around the eyes, and its heavier on the right eye. Thats what gives it the crying bruised look.
4. Your B&W conversion is lacking tone.
5. The hair fades too much into the background making it look unfinished and lacking depth.
6. The pose is boring and looks uncomfortable, its lacking and strong lines or captivating composition.
This is only to help, its a good start but in no way a professional portrait. But keep working on it, learning to control and see light is the biggest step in photography.