seeking advice on how to edit a very average shot

[Lucidperth]

I did a shoot a few of days ago with a pair of twins, we were aiming for a kind of fashion style shoot in urban surroundings. One of the shots I wanted to get was of them both in the middle of the road along the main cafe strip in the area we were shooting, however by the time we managed to get there it was way too busy and we had to change to a quiet part of a market shopping complex.
When I took the shots they looked 'ok' on camera and we had to move on to the next location. However when I got them onto my laptop the shot is very underwhelming, I'm not really keen on the pose and am unsure of how to give the shot a more dramatic feel that you find with fashion style shots. Being a new photographer I realise that mistakes will happen and we learn from them, but I am hoping to salvage something from this shot if possible. I'd appreciate any advice anyone can give me, I've posted the original shots and some editing I did last night to try and improve it, however I'm still hoping more can be got from this shot.

Thanks in advance,

Paul

 

[Designer]

Do you have Photoshop?

 

[Lucidperth]

Do you have Photoshop?

Hi Designer, thanks for your reply, yes I have Photoshop CC. In the bottom image I adjusted contrast, curves and exposure. I even experiemented by adding a little noise seeing as I cropped and desaturated the image. I'm just not sure if there are any simple-ish tricks with photoshop that will make the image pop.

 

[DGMPhotography]

Lovely models. And nice concept. I actually kinda like the pose, and I'd definitely say your last shot there is the best.

However, it could definitely be a lot better, and it's not the editing that's the problem. The girl on the left has her hair in a weird place, and her face is turned a bit too much (imo). The background is also distracting. A shallower depth of field, and some cloning would help with that. I think you also missed the focus.

 

[Lucidperth]

Lovely models. And nice concept. I actually kinda like the pose, and I'd definitely say your last shot there is the best.

However, it could definitely be a lot better, and it's not the editing that's the problem. The girl on the left has her hair in a weird place, and her face is turned a bit too much (imo). The background is also distracting. A shallower depth of field, and some cloning would help with that. I think you also missed the focus.

Thanks Daryll, I appreciate your comments there. I just think the pose could be stronger, the model on the right has a much stronger pose than the left, I tried to address it at the time but the market was starting to get busier and time was very limited. The background is what I am struggling with more than anything, it is distracting, I'll definitely try a shallower depth of field on the shot. I probably did miss the focus, although I did add a very slight gaussian blur to the shot in an effort to get a more dramatic shot, that may have inadvertently ruined my focus!