Senseless acts of selfishness...

bace · Jul 21, 2006

I'm battling with the worst act of selfishness I think I've ever had too.

Last night a friend, who I would marry(I don't say that lightly either) in a heartbeat, told me that things with her boyfriend aren't the same as they used to be because she has some 'feelings' for me.

While in one breath I'm overjoyed in with the possibility of a relationship with this person, i'm torn because her boyfriend isn't just a friend of mine, but deserves someone like her. And while I too deserve someone like her, It shouldn't actually be her.....or should it?

Worst and best feeling in the world.

MPowerM3 · Jul 21, 2006

I can help you out here as I was in the same situation. And I regret everything I ever did with my friends gf. Not only will you lose your friend (who by the way is more important then a girl - bros before hoes) but now that my friend and the girl are back together, its hard to hang out with them, it was over a year ago and things are almost back to normal but they never will be. You simply can not do anything with her, ever, unless for some crazy reason, your friend says its ok, and I doubt that will happen simply because she probably hasnt told him that she doesnt feel the same feelings for him (let alone has feelings for you), which will kill him, and thats when you need to be the friend and stand in for him and help him deal with his pain, not go after his gf. Either way it comes down to you.

Hope this helps.

bace · Jul 21, 2006

He's not my "FRIEND". I don't call him, I don't hang out with him. They already both know that I was attracted to her since the beginning. That's how we became friends, but in becoming friends, it looks like we might have become a little more than that.

He's one of those guys, that like me is very trusting and not jealous in any way. Now what he assumed would never happen, is happening. I feel terrible.

Big Mike · Jul 21, 2006

If she does really like you...and wants to break it off with her BF, then that's her decision...but don't get seriously involved right away. There are always people who break up and then get together with people they both know...but if it's not right away, then it's usually not a big deal. If you both like each other, then waiting a while will be worth is.

Also, beware that this might be typical of her M.O. You could end up dating her and she might pull the same stuff on you.

bace · Jul 21, 2006

Big Mike said:
If she does really like you...and wants to break it off with her BF, then that's her decision...but don't get seriously involved right away. There are always people who break up and then get together with people they both know...but if it's not right away, then it's usually not a big deal. If you both like each other, then waiting a while will be worth is.

Also, beware that this might be typical of her M.O. You could end up dating her and she might pull the same stuff on you.

That kind off behavior is something we're all capable of.

She seems pretty bent about these feelings though. It's a really weird situation. But I agree, I'm going to avoid her for the time being. She can make her decisions and I'll be there when it's the right time. If it ever is.

treehuggerhikerboy · Jul 21, 2006

Dr Phil says:

Women like this come along only a handful of times in your life, if you're lucky. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions. Let her break up with him, hang out with her without her ex knowing (because you know you will, your relationship with her will already have momentum), then a few months down the road, if everything is peachy, date in public. It's all good. He'll get over it, it's called life.

p.s. But if you guys hook up before they're broken up, then what's to say she won't do that same thing to you?

bace · Jul 21, 2006

Yeah. I'm not going to do anything to instigate or facilitate their breakup. It may not even happen because it's too hard for her to just split with him. They live together and sh!t so it's not just a clean break.

Really sucks. blah.

terri · Jul 21, 2006

treehuggerhikerboy said:
Dr Phil says:

Women like this come along only a handful of times in your life, if you're lucky. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions. Let her break up with him, hang out with her without her ex knowing (because you know you will, your relationship with her will already have momentum), then a few months down the road, if everything is peachy, date in public. It's all good. He'll get over it, it's called life.

p.s. But if you guys hook up before they're broken up, then what's to say she won't do that same thing to you?

Dr. Phil sounds just like Big Mike..... could it be......? :scratch:

Paul honey, you're smart to stay away for now. She said what she said to gauge a reaction. Don't touch it until she can face you with no other ties....anything less is just gaming. Everyone involved deserves more.

Big Mike · Jul 21, 2006

terri said:
Dr. Phil sounds just like Big Mike..... could it be......? :scratch:

Ugh:???: Dr. Phil is on my top ten list...of people I'd like to separate from their teeth... with a 5 iron.

layball:

bace · Jul 21, 2006

Big Mike said:
Ugh:???: Dr. Phil is on my top ten list...of people I'd like to separate from their teeth... with a 5 iron. layball:

Doctor Phil is a total douche bag.

Big that up.

terri · Jul 21, 2006

Big Mike said:
Ugh:???: Dr. Phil is on my top ten list...of people I'd like to separate from their teeth... with a 5 iron. layball:

Xmetal · Jul 21, 2006

I'll agree with Dr Mike, Leave them alone and watch from the sidelines and if they do call it a day then you're in with a chance but you should stay under the radar for a few months until the dust settles.

Rebound partners never look good in anyone's speak.

treehuggerhikerboy · Jul 21, 2006

Dr. Phil states the complete obvious and makes millions doing it....just like 'life coaches'.

Overweight person: I'm overweight Dr. Phil and I just can't stand it anymore! I don't have any self-confidence.
Dr. Phil: Eat less crap food and exercise more.
OP: You're the greatest Dr. Phil!!!! Oh, I love you and your insightful book!

45 year old woman on match.com: I seem to keep getting all these emails from 20 year olds just wanting sex all the time, but no one wants a long term relationship.
Dr. Phil: Stop showing your copious amounts of cleavage and stop dressing like a hooker.
Woman: Ohhhhhh...you're amazing Dr. Phil!!!!!! Wow, I'm really glad I came on your show! I couldn't have figured that out for myself!!!!!!!

Arch · Jul 21, 2006

Hmmm i once had 'fun' with a girl who was engaged..... but only 19..... she broke off with him and we went out for a while..... didnt work out as good as expected.... and we split up too..... but i remember seeing her a while later and she was lovin life..... and thanked me for 'convincing her' not to go ahead with the marrige to the first guy...... she'd obviuosly had a much better life since.... so i kind of did her a huge favour :mrgreen:

Not that this really has much to do with your situation..... but the point is people change and stuff.... so i agree with the sitting on the sidelines till they make thier own mistakes.... (which sounds like it could happen)..... then you can be there for her...... and........ well...... get busy :eyebrows:

bace · Jul 21, 2006

I haven't stopped thinking about this all day. It's retarded. To say she's perfect (for me) is an understatement of the century. And yet, he's the nicest most sincere selfless person I know. The fact that I even thought about this happening from the begining makes me feel brutal, and yet...happy. bah.