The Coffee House

[jcdeboever]

You would think that after all the years I've been married I would learn to RUN, when wife says "you know what I think WE should do?" Instead like a deer in the headlights I stand there stupidly and ask "What", knowing full well that the "we" really means "me". Such was the case this past weekend when "we" (she) decided that a rock garden just off our back deck needed to be "completely" redone. Three days later the rocks are gone the area leveled, topsoil hauled in and spread, edging installed, landscape fabric down, most of the new perennials planted, and new beds for annuals. Tomorrow should finish up our "we" project, and I can relax again.

Well, at least she ain't buying some 1500 dollar coach ****. I am annoyed right now. I just got home from three days away and guess what, another *ucking Coach purse with matching wallet, 975. I am calling a *ucking lawyer. I am so mad I can spit.

I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. we discussed this, agreed twice, and this. I'm at a loss. Give me a rock garden to move.

 

[limr30 3]

You would think that after all the years I've been married I would learn to RUN, when wife says "you know what I think WE should do?" Instead like a deer in the headlights I stand there stupidly and ask "What", knowing full well that the "we" really means "me". Such was the case this past weekend when "we" (she) decided that a rock garden just off our back deck needed to be "completely" redone. Three days later the rocks are gone the area leveled, topsoil hauled in and spread, edging installed, landscape fabric down, most of the new perennials planted, and new beds for annuals. Tomorrow should finish up our "we" project, and I can relax again.

Well, at least she ain't buying some 1500 dollar coach ****. I am annoyed right now. I just got home from three days away and guess what, another *ucking Coach purse with matching wallet, 975. I am calling a *ucking lawyer. I am so mad I can spit.

Could she be trying to send you a message? Is this her way of trying to get your attention? Have you talked to her about it? I mean talked to her when you weren't spittin' angry?

 

[jcdeboever]

You would think that after all the years I've been married I would learn to RUN, when wife says "you know what I think WE should do?" Instead like a deer in the headlights I stand there stupidly and ask "What", knowing full well that the "we" really means "me". Such was the case this past weekend when "we" (she) decided that a rock garden just off our back deck needed to be "completely" redone. Three days later the rocks are gone the area leveled, topsoil hauled in and spread, edging installed, landscape fabric down, most of the new perennials planted, and new beds for annuals. Tomorrow should finish up our "we" project, and I can relax again.

Well, at least she ain't buying some 1500 dollar coach ****. I am annoyed right now. I just got home from three days away and guess what, another *ucking Coach purse with matching wallet, 975. I am calling a *ucking lawyer. I am so mad I can spit.

Could she be trying to send you a message? Is this her way of trying to get your attention? Have you talked to her about it? I mean talked to her when you weren't spittin' angry?

She's not even home. I'm venting. Yes, we talked about it several times, last one was about her purchase blowing our budgeted goal. The plan was to pay the mortgage off as it is the only debt, save up and buy a RV with cash or short loan. It's like she is doing it on purpose. I don't yell or control the conversations. I am calm because it is only money. It is more about what I thought was a plan for our retirement. I am at a loss, I just want her to be happy in our golden years. She wants a lot, I am a frugal, simple man. Probably time to move on and be alone. I could live on the street.

 

[limr30 3]

You would think that after all the years I've been married I would learn to RUN, when wife says "you know what I think WE should do?" Instead like a deer in the headlights I stand there stupidly and ask "What", knowing full well that the "we" really means "me". Such was the case this past weekend when "we" (she) decided that a rock garden just off our back deck needed to be "completely" redone. Three days later the rocks are gone the area leveled, topsoil hauled in and spread, edging installed, landscape fabric down, most of the new perennials planted, and new beds for annuals. Tomorrow should finish up our "we" project, and I can relax again.

Well, at least she ain't buying some 1500 dollar coach ****. I am annoyed right now. I just got home from three days away and guess what, another *ucking Coach purse with matching wallet, 975. I am calling a *ucking lawyer. I am so mad I can spit.

Could she be trying to send you a message? Is this her way of trying to get your attention? Have you talked to her about it? I mean talked to her when you weren't spittin' angry?

She's not even home. I'm venting. Yes, we talked about it several times, last one was about her purchase blowing our budgeted goal. The plan was to pay the mortgage off as it is the only debt, save up and buy a RV with cash or short loan. It's like she is doing it on purpose. I don't yell or control the conversations. I am calm because it is only money. It is more about what I thought was a plan for our retirement. I am at a loss, I just want her to be happy in our golden years. She wants a lot, I am a frugal, simple man. Probably time to move on and be alone. I could live on the street.

I didn't mean to suggest that your only conversation was yelling at her. I just wondered if she has been acting this way on purpose for some other reason and she feels this is her way of communicating that.

ETA: And for the record, I also believe you have every right to be spittin' angry - didn't mean to imply that you didn't. I don't understand spending that kind of money on a purse and wallet, especially if it's already a bone of contention. But I'm not her and don't understand her motivations, and standing from a distance, I can't help but wonder what those motivations would be. The first purchase you talked about is one thing - maybe she was just thoughtless or unaware how much of an impact it would make. To do the same thing again so soon seems intentionally provocative, intended as a means to anger you or get your attention. But why? (That's a rhetorical question, not one you need to answer. I'm apparently just in a ponderin' sort of a mood )

 

[smoke665]

Well, at least she ain't buying some 1500 dollar coach ****. I am annoyed right now. I just got home from three days away and guess what, another

Dang JC, I'd be ill too. Despite her minor flaws , I've been fortunate that I found a life partner, wasn't that way with the first one (big mistake, 9 years of hell). We fuss and carry on at each other, but after 38 years, no way either of us would leave. Last week we were at a big outlet mall that just happened to have a Coach outlet, asked her if she wanted to go in. She knows she could buy as many as she wanted and never have an issue, but it's just not her thing. She did buy several things that day including two purses of another brand, and still didn't spend much.

Hate to hear of others having issues, hope you're able to talk it out and resolve the reasons behind it. Wasn't always roses for us either, there was a time when for several months, mine kept packing boxes in the bedroom. I could generally tell how well it was going by how full they were. Thankfully they eventually emptied out. I also recall some counseling over the years that helped us see things differently, might be time to seek out some help.

 

[smoke665]

Gary just sat down looking about the patio and you know smoke665 ... there our some project around here we can do also.

What's your wife's definition of "we"

On a more serious note I'm not really complaining because of everything my wife has gone through I'm just thankful to see her moving about, whatever she wants, she'll get. We have to be careful because the cancer causes her bones to be weak. She's already had a serious compression fracture in the spine, and overall has lost 4 1/2" in that area. She's on a drug that helps, but falls could still be serious. And of course her name should have been Grace, because despite watching her and trying to work, she fell today, barely missing a BBQ grill. Fortunately nothing was injured but her pride. Me on the other hand, mashed two fingers, in my haste to get things finished.

 

[jcdeboever]

You would think that after all the years I've been married I would learn to RUN, when wife says "you know what I think WE should do?" Instead like a deer in the headlights I stand there stupidly and ask "What", knowing full well that the "we" really means "me". Such was the case this past weekend when "we" (she) decided that a rock garden just off our back deck needed to be "completely" redone. Three days later the rocks are gone the area leveled, topsoil hauled in and spread, edging installed, landscape fabric down, most of the new perennials planted, and new beds for annuals. Tomorrow should finish up our "we" project, and I can relax again.

Well, at least she ain't buying some 1500 dollar coach ****. I am annoyed right now. I just got home from three days away and guess what, another *ucking Coach purse with matching wallet, 975. I am calling a *ucking lawyer. I am so mad I can spit.

Could she be trying to send you a message? Is this her way of trying to get your attention? Have you talked to her about it? I mean talked to her when you weren't spittin' angry?

She's not even home. I'm venting. Yes, we talked about it several times, last one was about her purchase blowing our budgeted goal. The plan was to pay the mortgage off as it is the only debt, save up and buy a RV with cash or short loan. It's like she is doing it on purpose. I don't yell or control the conversations. I am calm because it is only money. It is more about what I thought was a plan for our retirement. I am at a loss, I just want her to be happy in our golden years. She wants a lot, I am a frugal, simple man. Probably time to move on and be alone. I could live on the street.

I didn't mean to suggest that your only conversation was yelling at her. I just wondered if she has been acting this way on purpose for some other reason and she feels this is her way of communicating that.

Its ok. Her last comment was to sell more for her dad and it will eventually even out. I don't know what she is trying to say other than what she tells me. I think I'm being used and not loved. simply trying to accommodate her wishes on to buy an RV for retirement. We already have condos, don't see the logic in that but budgeting for her wants and not my needs. I just want to make her happy and make pictures. I probably will leave soon, pay the house off, she can have it. Move to California and eat at Gary's house once a week for nourishment.

 

[limr30 3]

Gary just sat down looking about the patio and you know smoke665 ... there our some project around here we can do also.

What's your wife's definition of "we"

On a more serious note I'm not really complaining because of everything my wife has gone through I'm just thankful to see her moving about, whatever she wants, she'll get. We have to be careful because the cancer causes her bones to be weak. She's already had a serious compression fracture in the spine, and overall has lost 4 1/2" in that area. She's on a drug that helps, but falls could still be serious. And of course her name should have been Grace, because despite watching her and trying to work, she fell today, barely missing a BBQ grill. Fortunately nothing was injured but her pride. Me on the other hand, mashed two fingers, in my haste to get things finished.

I think I understand the frustration, though. It's not really being upset at the work, but more about how it's introduced. It drives me nuts when my mother wants a favor but rather than just say, 'Could you do me a favor?' she follows this long, circuitous route: So what are your plans for the weekend? or Gee, I would really like to get this done. Etc. Nine times out of ten - because I recognize her pattern - I just ignore her actual question and tell her to just spit it out and say exactly what she is asking me to do.

If it were me, I'd prefer, "I think it would look really nice if we did this, but because of my limitations, you'd end up doing the bulk of the work. What do you think?"

 

[table1349]

You would think that after all the years I've been married I would learn to RUN, when wife says "you know what I think WE should do?" Instead like a deer in the headlights I stand there stupidly and ask "What", knowing full well that the "we" really means "me". Such was the case this past weekend when "we" (she) decided that a rock garden just off our back deck needed to be "completely" redone. Three days later the rocks are gone the area leveled, topsoil hauled in and spread, edging installed, landscape fabric down, most of the new perennials planted, and new beds for annuals. Tomorrow should finish up our "we" project, and I can relax again.

I would trade you. Got called last night from the Assisted Living Home my mother is in. Her Alzheimers has been slowly getting worse. Last night for the first time she went AWOL. Got confused and took her little dog out about 9:15 last night for a walk and went out the front door instead of into the enclosed court yard where she has always taken the dog after 5:00 p.m. Had the entire staff looking for her. Found her pretty quickly. She was still on the grounds but they have a large plot of ground the facility is on. Found her about an hour later. Spent part of the day getting her scheduled to go to the secured memory care unit. It will be a few days before that can happen so they will take her there during the day. Spent the rest of the day getting a home care person set up to spend the nights with her for a few days. Staff is working to get things arranged so she can't wander off in the evenings until we can get her into the lock down memory care unit.

As a result we just finished dinner a few minutes ago. (8:30) p.m. Pork Chops, potato salad and fresh corn on the cob.

Beat so I am going to veg out for a little while and go to bed.

 

[smoke665]

Her Alzheimers has been slowly getting worse

That's tough to deal with and one of my fears as I get older.

 

[Frank F.]

Hey Frank, welcome home. Do you remember driving south along California Highway 1, below San Jose ... that road has been cut in two places in the Big Sur area. The excessive rains weakened a bridge, rendering it undrivable and a landslide, 100 meters wide x 330 meters tall took out another section.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The picture was in my morning paper that day!

 

[Frank F.]

Every day I clean up the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, refill it start it and empty it again. Only to see the full chaos reinstated after family returns from school, work and Kindergarten. Sisiphos is my hero!!!

 

[Frank F.]

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. The judicial officer has finally opened the door to my lot for me yesterday.

In the legal sense the ex tennant of the ex owners would have to have vacated the space at 2 May last year. Due to slow work in the German judicial system he only started one week ago to empty it and was still not finished when I finally gained full ownership yesterday at 8:15 in the morning.

Now I have to get rid of the remains of a fire the ex tennant of the ex owners incinerated last fall. Then I have to got to court to make him pay for the expenses.

After the clean up under the watchful eyes of the Local Environmental Authority, which is perfectly OK for me, I will tear down the unaffected parts of the building and then have to call the archeolologists to check the site for Roman remains. Uninterrupted settlement for over 2000 years here. After that I can build my house.

 

[Gary A.]

Gary just sat down looking about the patio and you know smoke665 ... there our some project around here we can do also.

What's your wife's definition of "we"
...

You and Gary.

 

[Gary A.]

Welcome back Frank. You have a long way to go until your dream house is finished ... but at least now you can actually start.