Gary’s next door neighbor has a dark house and they are in their patio drinking. Gary has called them out on it.
Leo thinks that there was nothing to call them out on. If they want to have a quiet night, just leave them alone.
Anti-social behavior is not condoned in this neighborhood. Once a year children get dressed up and come to houses. If you don't want to give candy to teens dressed up in Tee-Shirts ... Gary understands that ... so close up shop at 9:00 p.m.
The neighbors Gary speaks of, have extremely loud pool parties nearly every stinkin' Saturday. Gary can hear them arguing who is the drunkest over their radio which gets louder as they get drunker. One day a year, buy some candy and be pleasant ... let the children have have a good time at one's personal expense. Gary says Bah Humbug to those who feel they need private time on a children's holiday. Pick another day.
And I object to the idea of enforced compliance to social activity if one does not want to participate. People have no obligation to hand out candy, and no, it is not a moral or societal failure if they want to sit out a holiday, "children's" or otherwise.
Of course there is no "obli
Gary’s next door neighbor has a dark house and they are in their patio drinking. Gary has called them out on it.
Leo thinks that there was nothing to call them out on. If they want to have a quiet night, just leave them alone.
Anti-social behavior is not condoned in this neighborhood. Once a year children get dressed up and come to houses. If you don't want to give candy to teens dressed up in Tee-Shirts ... Gary understands that ... so close up shop at 9:00 p.m.
The neighbors Gary speaks of, have extremely loud pool parties nearly every stinkin' Saturday. Gary can hear them arguing who is the drunkest over their radio which gets louder as they get drunker. One day a year, buy some candy and be pleasant ... let the children have have a good time at one's personal expense. Gary says Bah Humbug to those who feel they need private time on a children's holiday. Pick another day.
And I object to the idea of enforced compliance to social activity if one does not want to participate. People have no obligation to hand out candy, and no, it is not a moral or societal failure if they want to sit out a holiday, "children's" or otherwise.
There is no obligation ... there is no law ... to Gary it is a matter of being a little magnanimous. Spend ten bucks, turn on your porch light, make a child happy. Participate ... make a child smile. You don’t even have to find a kid, they’ll come to you. Yes, for Gary it is both a moral and societal black mark for, those who do not face extreme circumstances, not to participate just one day a year and hand out some candy to children. Participating in Halloween, is similar to Gary, as helping out a handicapped person at the store, or giving an elderly person your seat on the bus, returning a wallet to its owner, giving a glass of water to the post person on a hot day, taking in a lost dog or cat ... making a child smile.
Yes, Halloween is cheesy and a pain in the neck and something most of us would rather not do after a tough day at work. Yes, all ages participate in Halloween, but I choose to focus on the children, all dressed up in make-believe outfits, big-eyed and so happy to receive a piece of candy. For those who put ‘making a child happy’ over their own wants and turn on the porch light instead of retreating to the backyard ... God Bless you, you made a child happy.
Our days are made up of thousands of tiny acts. There is no law declaring we be decent and kind. There is no written obligation requiring humans to act humanely, but if we have an opportunity to make someone smile after we execute a tiny act ... we, society, even the world is just a little warmer a little better.
There are many ways to be decent and kind, and telling someone that they are being selfish and anti-social because they don't want to hand out candy to children is being narrow-minded. You are insisting that everyone else should abide by
one standard of being decent and kind, and to all feel the same way about this holiday. It's also a false dichotomy to say that handing out candy=decent and kind while
not handing out candy=
not decent or kind.
Do not project your beliefs of the value of this holiday on others. If you want to participate, knock yourself out. If someone else is having a rough time, or is exhausted, or is sad, or is angry, or is in pain, or is WHATEVER, then don't judge them for not making the same decision that you did. Maybe it's just too much for them that night. Maybe it's not just a pain in the ass, but requires a much bigger effort than it does you. SO WHAT? So what if they didn't take that one day to hand out candy to kids?
And people being decent and kind on one day of the year? How about being decent and kind EVERY day of the year, in different ways, to different people, because they want to rather than because they were shamed into it, or because everyone else was doing it and they are just following the crowd? I'd rather pay for someone's coffee at a drive-through on a random Tuesday than be yet another person in a line of people who feel like they have to be civic-minded on one day of the year and then they can go back to not giving a crap.
"There are many ways to be decent and kind,"
Yes there are. Gary never said handing out candy on Halloween is the only way.
"... and telling someone that they are being selfish and anti-social because they don't want to hand out candy to children is being narrow-minded."
Not at all. Highlighting an act, especially to someone you know, verbally and by example is a damn good way to let that person know that there is an opportunity to be better. Yesterday, Mary Lou very nicely informed two young men not pick up the beer can they had tossed into the bushes in the park. She was direct but much less confrontational with her choice of words than Gary would have been. The young men picked up the can, we had a nice chat and they petted Maggie. Maybe, next time the young men will toss trash in a trash can ... and maybe next year my neighbors won't darken their porch and retreat to the backyard. When I am being selfish, Gary hopes that someone, even a stranger will let him know that there is a better and more helpful path available than a self-serving or lazy path.
"You are insisting that everyone else should abide by one standard of being decent and kind, and to all feel the same way about this holiday."
No Gary is not. Gary is pointing out the simple opportunity Halloween provides to bring a smile to a child's face. Gary is not judgemental on most stuff, like using cream and sugar in coffee, et al. While he doesn't practice altering his coffee, he doesn't care if others do ... it isn't important. But children are important ... people are important ... if there is an opportunity to be kind to a child, Gary thinks that opportunity should be taken, especially if no harm is done to the person performing the kind act.
"It's also a false dichotomy to say that handing out candy=decent and kind while not handing out candy=not decent or kind."
Again, you are wrong. Project this:
1) Two children
2) Two bowls of candy
3) Two adults.
One adult hands a child a piece of candy. One adult turns their back on the child.
Which act would be considered kind and which act would be considered unkind?
"Do not project your beliefs of the value of this holiday on others."
Your
arguments against my values is a projection of your values. Why is your projection more important than Gary's projection. In this particular case, I will stand up for kindness, especially towards children, in any forum from the internet to life outside the internet. You will not stop me.
"If you want to participate, knock yourself out."
Gary does such. He needs no encouragement from you or others.
"If someone else is having a rough time, or is exhausted, or is sad, or is angry, or is in pain, or is WHATEVER, then don't judge them for not making the same decision that you did."
We are judged and we all others by acts. We are all a summery of our acts. Some acts add little to our character ... some acts add a lot to our character. If one had a crappy day and just wants to run away from children playing make believe and requesting that you acknowledge their costume and give them a piece of candy ... Gary can understand that. But the person the has a crappy day and stills opens the door hands the children a piece of candy and puts a smile on a kid's face ... that act speaks to more character than the person that darkens the porch and retreats.
"Maybe it's just too much for them that night. Maybe it's not just a pain in the ass, but requires a much bigger effort than it does you. SO WHAT? So what if they didn't take that one day to hand out candy to kids?"
We are all a summary of our acts. Our acts directly speak to our character ... not only to who we want to be, but also defines who we are.
"And people being decent and kind on one day of the year? How about being decent and kind EVERY day of the year, in different ways, to different people, ... "
We were speaking to Halloween in particular ... but if you read and absorbed my text, Gary CLEARLY and REPEATEDLY spoke to other types of kindness/decency.
"... because they want to rather than because they were shamed into it, or because everyone else was doing it and they are just following the crowd?"
Handing out a piece of candy on a child's make-believe day ... really isn't that big of a deal. You open the door, you serve out a bowl and they reach in. Fini. If you want to extend yourself, push the limits of kindness to a child ... then you give them some sort of praise regarding their costume (then watch their eyes get big or they act out the costume). Gary would hope that some/most/all of us would see this as a simple act of kindness. As such, some/most/all would want to perform said 'kind' act out of a desire to capitalize on the opportunity. In a good/better/perfect world 'kind' acts should not stem from shame or obligation. A kind act is a reward for all, in and of itself.
"I'd rather pay for someone's coffee at a drive-through on a random Tuesday"
Did you pay for someone's coffee at a drive-through? Have you ever randomly paid for someone else's coffee? This isn't a contest, this isn't an either/or act ... one could actually do both. Perform an act of kindness when it is at your front door and perform an act of kindness when it is not expected. Kindness Squared. A winner for all.
"... than be yet another person in a line of people who feel like they have to be civic-minded on one day of the year and then they can go back to not giving a crap."
Gary feels that there is always hope. Performing an act of kindness through whatever motivation drives you there, (i.e. warm heart or shame), is still a kind act and benefits at least one person. Not performing a kind act benefits no one.
I enjoy both, but am probably more likely to watch a football - an American football - game over a soccer match.
