Hi there! I personally like the design, but I also think this would work better as a logo, than a watermark. I've had a lot of frustrations with watermarks in my own personal journey. I've asked the same question as you, and many variations throughout my time here, and I've come to one conclusion.
Don't do it. At least, not to the point where it's obnoxious. You want to convey your photo in an attractive manner, and when they see your photo, the first thing their eyes are going to dart to is that watermark. Your viewers should care more about your photo than your watermark, so I say make it obvious.
Here's an example using one of my photos, and the various stages of my "watermarks."
And what I discovered is that the simplest one of them all worked the best. The only reason to really include a watermark is to let people know who it is that took the photo, and the simpler and more legible it is, the better. It's not that great as security. If someone wants to take your image all they have to do is click "save image," and then they can just crop the image, or clone out the watermark. If you don't want that to happen, don't put your photos on the Internet. That's the risk you take for increased exposure. And even if someone does steal it, who cares? Unless you're doing high-level commercial work right now, all it's going to do is just help get your stuff out there, because a lot of the time thieves don't even bother to remove the watermark, because they know they'll never be caught.
Anyway, that's just my 2 cents from my own experience. However, if you're like me, you're probably going to want to experiment with different designs, get your graphic design friend to make stuff for you, then come back to square one with a simple transparent text overlay.
Good luck!
