It IS a fantastic portrait. Without a 'before' and not knowing the model, it's difficult to say whether you went too far.
However, IMHO it looks very natural and I would expect a young girl to have skin like that. I would be proud to have taken it (as would many people on this site I expect)
It looks good! I might add just a tiny bit of shadow back in around her nose though. Also (and it could be my monitor) I see a bit of a red/magenta color cast on her skin.
Thanks! I'll work on the eyes a bit more. The technique is from Scott Kelby's book. I can't remember which one right now but I'll edit this when I get home and let you know.