I've looked at this one a couple of times since you posted. I'm having a hard time coming up with a useful critique.
The fouth image (lower right) is the strongest shot. I feel the on-camera flash isn't working out on the other shots.
This may be a good solution... to display the group of images together. I just can't put my finger on it... there's something more needed here.
Maybe someone else can help direct you.
A good effort! Let's see some more.
-Pete