Australian Tourism

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Luminosity, Dec 29, 2004.

  1. Luminosity

    Luminosity No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Australian Tourism

    The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.


    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)

    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water

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    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

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    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Melbourne, Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

    A: What did your last slave die of?

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    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)

    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

    A: You are a British politician, right?

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    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

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    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets

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    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
    name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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  2. MDowdey

    MDowdey Guest

    oh god that was the funniest thing ive ever read....

    :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


    md
     
  3. Alison

    Alison Swiss Army Friend Supporting Member

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    LMAO! That is great, thanks for the laugh, Lumi!!
     
  4. Luminosity

    Luminosity No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Here to help :lol:
     
  5. terri

    terri Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Silly stuff! :LOL: Thanks chica.
     
  6. Corry

    Corry Flirtacious and Bodacious Supporting Member

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    That was awesome Lumi!!!! :LOL:
     
  7. danalec99

    danalec99 TPF Noob!

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    :lol:

    I have a similar questionnaire about Indians. Let me see if I can find it.
     
  8. Xmetal

    Xmetal TPF Noob!

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    Crikey there's some stupid stuff there! :p
     
  9. LittleMan

    LittleMan TPF Noob!

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    I actually got some americans to do that last one when they went over there to Australia...... hillarious.... :lol:
     
  10. Karalee

    Karalee hOtLiPs!

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    :lmao: that reminds me of people when they get to NZ they expect to see kiwis or sheep walking the streets.
     
  11. aggiezach

    aggiezach Yup...

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    :lmao:!!! Thanks Lumi, You've cleared up a lot of things for me!

    Zach :D
     
  12. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    I'd just like to take the time to apologise on behalf on my country. We're not all that think.




    Hoenst....
     

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